January 20, 2009

Sometimes, many times, over the past 8 years it has seemed like this day would never come. 8 years ago Ella was not here, we didn't live in our current home, I was 27 for goodness sakes! My toes had never touched the sand of St. John. A lot has changed in 8 years.

Personally, in many ways, for the better for my husband and my family. We have bought a new home and moved, welcomed a daughter, weathered an immensely scary and trying pregnancy only to welcome a delightfully perfect son, potty trained, pre-schooled, started kindergarten. We have accomplished a lot. We're still standing.

As a nation, well, the picture has not necessarily been as pretty. We've seen the horror of 9/11. We've seen that horror followed by the horror of two wars. We have seen our Constitution shredded. Today I heard our new leader state, "we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals." We can be safe and we can uphold the ideals on which this nation was founded. What a concept.

I know I am doing something right because after the swearing in as the national anthem was being played, Ella bolted into the living room from where she was playing and very seriously turned to the tv, placed her hand over her heart and sang along. What a day. I feel so blessed to have lived to see this day.

I was watching one of the news programs the other day and Soledad O'Brien was commenting on having a conversation with her daughter, also 6 like Ella, about the gravity of this moment in history. O'brien said to her we will have a black president. Her daughter wasn't getting the significance. O'brien added, "ever!" Her daughter in disbelief responded, "We've NEVER had a black president." So foreign was the concept to her that she simply could not believe it had never happened before. What a different world my children grow up in than did I.

Welcome, Mr. President. You've been a long time coming!

Whew its been a doozie

Doozie, or is it Doozy? I don't know ... but whichever whatever ... the last few days have been one. Max was sick but I don't think I can blame what I ended up getting on him. His was breathing related. Mine was more like head in a vice with a side of death warmed over. It is pretty much the sickest I've felt in a very long time. Wednesday I felt pretty crappy, Thursday I almost made it through an entire day of work before bailing, Friday I managed to log 2/3 of a telework day before totally wimping out and drugging myself and taking to bed. Tylenol PM Cold and Cough has been my best friend. If nothing else I am able to sleep.

Saturday, though I felt better (relatively speaking), my voice went. Probably for the best as all I could do pretty much was whine.

In the midst of all of this we managed to go to closing on our refinance. We dropped our interest one point and went from a 30 to a 20 year loan. So just about when Max graduates from college, provided he's on the 4 year plan, we'll be paying off the house. Sounds like that will be a good time to sell and retire to our 46 ft catamaran in the caribbean.

The good news is that instead of my whole weekend being wrecked with sickness and being pathetic, its a 4 day weekend. I get a do over! 2 whole more days to go.

Back on the Wagon

I am not really the type of girl who makes many new year's resolutions. Many, ha. Any, usually. But this year I figured maybe a few were in order. So what it has taken me almost 2 weeks to really get started, but that's ok, right?

1. Try to assume the best. Try being the operative word here. I am realistic. I am GREAT at assuming that people have the worst intentions. Old Me: Cut me off in traffic, you are an asshole. New Me: Maybe you got a call that your child was sick and you are rushing to them.

2. Try to be nicer in general especially to those I love the most. Again TRY is the operative word. I am usually a fairly nice person, especially to strangers and mere acquaintances. I save my not so nice side for those who are the closest to me or who I love the most. So far so good. Like last night when I was feeling particularly just grumpy and keyed up I said to my husband, "Man, I am IRRITABLE!" He just smiled as if to say, "really? I hadn't noticed!" Admitting is the first step, no?

3. Move my rear end. If I lose weight that is a great side effect but mostly I want to FEEL better. I actually got started on this pre-Holidays with the addition of the Wii Fit to our home. I was really on a roll. Then I took a 29 day (it counts for you) hiatus. We were busy, holidays and all and then a conference and then a sick baby. All ok excuses but not really. Anyway, I got back to it today. There is no time like the present. I was SHOCKED to discover I had actually lost 1 lb over the holidays. 1 lb weight loss or not, I still feel pretty much like crap and I know moving my a@# is the only way to make me feel better physically and it has the added benefit of making me feel better emotionally as well. I need that, especially in the winter!

4. Drink more water. This is always on my list and I always fail. I am limiting myself to no more than 1 cup of coffee a day (I can have a 2-3 a day latte habit which is expensive and not so good for me).

That's it. If I can keep even one of them I'll be in a better place come 2010.

My Children are Opposites

Though they may look so much alike that I have to look at their outfit to tell baby pictures apart, my kids could not be more different.

Max loves to eat. Ella generally could go without eating too often.

Max loves citrus. Ella would not put citrus fruit past her lips if you paid her or better yet, bribed her with a trip to build a bear. She eats apples, bananas and grapes (only if seedless) THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Max will drink any kind of juice. Apple, orange, grape, cranberry, probably tomato (though I haven't tried). Ella drinks 1/2 water 1/2 white grape. Period. She doesn't even like juice boxes because they taste too juicy.

Ella loves milk. LOVES it. She likes chocolate milk, but really truth be told prefers white milk. 2%. Max is ok with milk, he will drink it but he doesn't suck it down like he'll never have it again.

Ella is repulsed by soda, or anything fizzy. Again, not getting past her lips. Max was eying my fountain soda today and I thought I'll do what I did with Ella. Let him taste it, he'll hate it, and never want it again. Well, let's just say it was a little like what someone very prone to addiction looks like when they get their first fix. HE LOVED IT. A good side benefit is I'll probably drink a lot less soda. Out of sight out of mind.

Max sleeps. Ella did not really sleep on her own through the night until she was oh ... about 2. Even now at 6.5, we'll often get a late night visit from her with the popular refrain, "I can't sleeeeep." Max goes to bed and you don't hear from him again until you wake him or its been at least 10 hours. Typically 12.

Ella is a talker. Max likes to let his actions speak for themselves. He understands every single thing that is going on and will express himself quite clearly, but you have to drag the words out of him. He will talk, he just doesn't see why he should. Ella doesn't see why she should ever STOP talking.

Ella is a mama's girl. Max is a daddy's boy.

Fortunately they both do love swimming, summer, broccoli, Popsicles and each other. That's enough for me.

Back to the Grind

The long break is over. Other than two brief stops in the office to gather paperwork and tie up some loose ends, I have not stepped foot in my office since December 18th. Two weeks of vacation for the holidays and then a week downtown for a conference.

I think re-entry will be painful. Wish me luck. Fortunately we are under 6 months to St. John 2009! Of course, with the upcoming festivities, resulting in a 4 day weekend for me, my wheels are turning about where I can go for a quick, warm weather getaway. A girl can dream right?

It's January, it must be time for nebulizer treatments

Poor Max ... No sooner than I stop worrying incessantly about him and he is hammered by a cold and breathing problems. He has been nursing a cold since sometime in December but it didn't seem to slow him down. Over the two weeks I was home with him over Christmas he had a runny nose but that was about the extent of it. On Monday, I was quite proud as I was sending him back to daycare ...NO runny nose, no cough, nothing. He was great.

He had 1 great day, that was Monday. Tuesday was ok. Wednesday we were in full-on downward spiral. He came home with a bit of a fever and a pretty bad attitude. Thursday, my nephews tagteamed him in the am, as I had a conference I had to attend and Hung had not one but two important meetings at work. I decided to be safe and take him to the doc on Thursday afternoon. They took one listen and said "He's wheezing." So they gave him a treatment in the office and sent us on our way with instructions for additional treatments at home (we own our own nebulizer as a result of last winter's wheezing episodes).

Funny, I had just been thinking...that nebulizer was a waste of money. Ha. I jinxed myself I suppose. Thursday after treatment number 2 he really seemed to be feeling quite a bit better. Luckily, I was off on Friday so I planned to just hang out with him and get him all better. The day started out ok, but the treatments didn't seem to be as effective as the first two had been. Friday at about 4 I noticed his breathing seemed labored and I made the executive decision he needed to be seen again. I love our pediatrician's office. I called and explained how I was feeling worried about his breathing and they basically said bring him in now. So we were off again to the doc. Indeed he was still wheezing a bit and therefore in addition to neb treatments they added steriods. 48 hours later I think we are moving in the right direction.

I have given up on the hope that I will ever have a mind at ease with this little guy. As I told the doc we saw on Friday, "He's a hydrops baby, if he looks at me cross-eyed I am bringing him in." I could see the look in the doc's eyes (almost one of disbelief) and then he flipped through the charts as if he couldn't believe that this baby had full-on fetal hydrops in utero. I don't point it out to made a big deal out of what he's been through, but more to make sure that they look and listen for everything with him. With Dr. G, I never worry as he knows the history and is hypervigilant but when I have a doc that is not as familiar with Max's history, I point it out. If they think I am crazy, I am ok with that.

I have also given up hope that I will ever stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Mostly, I have determined, because they don't know why he had hydrops. This leads me to, at least in my own mind, despite numerous check-ups and seemingly normal health so far, to wonder will the reason some day rear its ugly head. I hope not, but I will not be lulled into thinking it can't. I will always be on the lookout.

The Boy: Month 23 Supastar!

I am pretty much going to just let this picture speak for itself. Max, Month 23, bada@#! He is extremely sweet, VERY determined, and finally stringing two words together at a time. Language is not his strong suit, being an awesome guy with mad physical skills is. I love him. He's a happy camper. We won't have a growth update for another month but I am pretty sure from the "wow, he's so .... BIG!" comments we get he's still off the charts for height and weight, you know, considering he's as tall almost as his 5 year old cousin.

2, Bring it!

Time Off

First let's start with some pictures...then the words.

One would think with a little over two weeks OFF from work to enjoy the holidays with my family I would have had MORE time to update my blog, but no not so much.

Over the holidays there was a blur of activity and we all mostly survived fully intact. The house was de-decorated on January 1 because I couldn't take it anymore and I was so inspired by the decluttered nature that I continued decluttering and cleared out a bookcase in my bedroom and three cabinets (that trip to the container store served as inspiration).

Christmas was a blur but both kids must have been VERY good because Santa totally spoiled them. Ella also tracked Santa and Rudolph for the first time on Norad. She was very excited and she wanted to know when Santa starts making his list for the next Christmas. I, of course, said "right away!"

My mama came to stay with us from Christmas eve through the weekend and Christmas night my godmother came with my Maggie. We decided to have post-Christmas dinner on the 26th in PJs. It was the best. Maggie stayed on with us from the 25th until Saturday, January 3. That was awesome. We bummed around and did as little as possible.

Not a lot otherwise to report. A lot of bumming, eating, relaxing, playing cards (which involves cursing), and generally being worthless. It was the best. But all good things must come to an end, or in this case a screeching halt!

I am still out of the office this week, in DC, for a very (not) fun conference. At least I have a Friday off to look forward to at the end of the tunnel!

Baking, baking and more baking

I spent pretty much the entire day yesterday baking. Really, I started Friday night with the making of the Hot Trash (like a spicy homemade chex mix on crack) and Sweet and Spicy Bourbon Pecans. Mmmmmmmmm.....The house smelled amazing. The nuts didn't work out quite right and I was about to toss them (all 2lbs!!!) when I thought perhaps I should just roast/toast/bake them a bit more. I did that and OH MY. I had to cook them about 20 minutes longer than the recipe called for but the result was just as it should have been - more sweet than spicy but almost caramelized on the outside and crunchy. I may eat them all myself!

So yesterday morning began the sweet stuff. Two batches of chocolate chip cookies, 2 pans of 7-layer cookies, 2 pans of fudge! I still have to make the dough for Aunt Frances' Christmas Tree cookies. I saved the biggest PITA for last. I need to make it today so I can refrigerate it overnight. Then tomorrow while the kiddos are at school and daycare I can start the baking. Ella is really indifferent to the baking ... she's much more into the decorating. It will be so much easier that way! They are basically a vehicle for buttercream frosting. Mmmmmmmmmmm....its not Christmas to me without them, even though they really are a very large pain in the butt to make. The stand mixer makes it at least tolerable. I can't believe I used to make them with just a wooden spoon and elbow grease.

I am officially off now until January 5th. January 5th-8th I am in DC at a conference. January 9th is my usual Friday off, meaning I don't have to set foot in my office again until January 12th! The kids are still in school/daycare through Tuesday. So Monday and Tuesday will be my pull it all together days and then we get to just relax and enjoy the holidays.

Marriage is a good thing ... for all

Marriage to me is not a religious institution, perhaps that is why I can't for some reason get my mind around our government either allowing discrimination against same sex couples or preferential treatment of those of us who happen to be heterosexual. I just don't get it. Really I don't. Not even a little bit.

Surely marriage is a spiritual union, but that doesn't necessarily preclude nonspiritual couples from getting married. There is no quiz. Well, unless you are catholic. My reasons for wanting to be married to my husband really have little to do with church or God. His have absolutely nothing to do with church or God. Yet, we aren't forbidden from marrying.

Churches and clergy should absolutely be able to choose who they will and will not marry. I am more than fine with this, being the big supporter of the separation of church and state that I am. I know, perhaps the founding fathers were on to something!

Opponents would say that our founding fathers never imagined a world where same sex marriage would be an issue. You know what, I am pretty sure they never imagined a world where people of different races would want to marry. That is the beauty of our Constitution. It is flexible, adaptable, a living document.

40 years ago in Virginia I would not have been allowed to marry my husband. 40 years ago. Think about that. 40 years ago in Virginia the police broke into the house of an interracial couple to try to catch them in the act so that they could be arrested. Loving v. Virginia. Look it up. It took the United States Supreme Court to put an end to what we now look back on as unbelievable, hideous discrimination.

Caroline County Sheriff R. Garnett Brooks rousted them from their bed at 2 a.m. in July 1958 and told them the District's marriage certificate was no good in Virginia. They pleaded guilty, and Caroline County Circuit Court Judge Leon M. Bazile sentenced them to a year's imprisonment, to be suspended if they left the state for the next 25 years.

"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix," Bazile ruled.

Seriously! Less than a generation ago people truly believed this was acceptable thinking. Judges for goodness sake. It is my hope that it won't take another 40 years to put an end to the same type of discrimination against same sex couples. No one is asking for special rights, only equal rights. That, my friends, is guaranteed by our Constitution.

If you want to protect the sanctity of marriage then you should seriously be also talking about making divorce illegal, or at a minimum MUCH more difficult to obtain. The hypocrisy of our lawmakers, many of whom are on marriage #2 or #3, who in one breath say the marriage must be protected but in their own real lives (which will never be impacted by this denial of rights) live in a way that is inconsistent with their edicts, blows my mind. If you are going to deny rights to some, while allowing it for others, you better have a DAMNNNNNED good reason for it and so far I have yet to hear one argument that doesn't sound like it came out of a pastor's mouth. That's just not good enough for me. I am not talking about a church being forced to condone something that is completely opposite of the belief system. I am talking about a government denying a fundamental and basic right to a subset of the population. I need a better reason than God and the bible say its wrong ... because God and the bible say a lot of things are wrong that we do everyday. No more cherry picking!

Random Things...

1) 184 days/6 months - That's how long I have until I return to STJ ... my happy place. Even though I was just there in August and last November (barely more than a year ago) it feels like its been an eternity. Why is that?

2) The Wii is addictive. I have a problem. Its a good problem to have I suppose, better than a crack habit for sure, but it is weird. I do not like to exercise. I enjoy how I feel AFTER I exercise but the process bores me. Not the Wii. Especially the Wii Fit. Other than it telling me to obvious difficult news that my BMI is not that of Cindy Crawford and I have a ways to go, it is FUN. Even for someone like me, with exercise ADHD! I am a little OCD about it. I always, ALWAYS, start with strength training, then aerobics (boxing, hula hooping, or running --- usually 2 of the 3 sometimes all three like today), then balance (like Ski jumping ... where I am the current reigning champion and skiing where I suck worse than Ella), then yoga. All in all it takes about 50 minutes and it flies! Amazing.

3) I can't wait for Wednesday and Thursday to be over. I am also working on Friday, but I get to do it from home in my PJs so it doesn't really count to me. After Friday I won't be back in the office until January 12th. I have a conference in there, but its not "THE OFFICE"! Its not like I don't like my work, I do. Its just that I think I REALLY need a break to clear my mind and lower my stress/frustration/fly off the handle level.

4) As usual I have overcommited my holiday time, but I am so looking forward to all the family and friend time.

• The fav nephew comes home Friday.
• Saturday is a birthday celebration for my BFF KK at the National Harbor.
• Christmas Eve we'll continue a 3 (or 4) year tradition of dinner with KK and her hubby.
• Christmas Day we'll do our Santa thing, have a big breakfast that will hold us over until we go to my brother in law's for dinner.
• December 26th my godmother and her family arrive and we'll have the huge traditional Christmas spread. Maggie will be staying on for a few days to hang out with the kids and me.
• New Years Eve we are having a little gathering of friends. I have a feeling its all going to be kind of a blur!

Joyful Holidays to all .... and to all a good night.

And I Swore I'd NEVER torture my children!

From start to finish the torture only took about 10 seconds. He was absolutely 100% fine until I sat him down and stepped away. The photo guy freaked asking if I wanted to take a walk and try again in a few minutes. NO, take the picture!!!

I had two rapidly snapped pictures to choose from, this one, and the first one which showed Ella giving Max the "what the hell is your problem?" look. The "DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS?" look. I slightly regret not getting that one. But I do not at all regret getting this one. I am so sorry if that makes me a bad mama!

You can pretty much tell from this picture who has been naughty and who has been nice this year! Just kidding they are both amazing kids, usually!

Boys!

Things I now know about boys for sure ... since I now have one of my own.

Before Max's addition, our home was very nicely balanced to the advantage of the ladies. Our only child, dog, and fish were all of the female variety. Hung only occasionally had a brother in arms when nephew Andy was in residence. Otherwise, he was soundly outnumbered and smartly didn't even try to fight the estrogen power. Max doesn't have the perspective or the sense to do the same.

1) Boys don't mind being dirty. They may even prefer it. Spagetti sauce from head to toe. Not a problem.

2) They are messy eaters. This explains why often now I just take his shirt off before dinner. I know it sounds wrong but there is only so much spraynwash can do!

3) Boys are not touchy feely. This doesn't mean they aren't NEEDY. When they need something (all ladies with husbands know this) they can be really needy, but in general they don't need/crave/want the hugging and kissing and reassurance that girls seem to crave.

4) They like hanging out without a shirt on. If they do have a shirt on, they prefer it have a cape.

5) The Car thing is hardwired. Max took one look at his dad's car collection once his eyes could focus and fell in love. He will do ANYTHING to get a car from the shelves of cars. ANYTHING.

6) They eat A LOT. I have no idea how I will afford to feed him when he's 6 much less 16 if this continues.

7) They are fairly simple. Feed them, keep them warm and they are set.

8) They LOVE Lego's. I fear I will never get all the Lego's or cars put away at one time again and that my house will always somewhat look like a Lego bomb went off in a junk yard.

9) They are incredibly sweet...when they want to be.

10) They are silly. They laugh at the most ridiculous things. I think this is related to #7.

11) They are of few words. Max understands EVERY single thing we say to him. He will listen and act accordingly, but he has very little need or desire to speak to us. (Ella on the other hand rarely STOPS speaking to us). Everything that is going on in their little head is very apparent in their faces if you just pay close enough attention. They use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion ... all of the time!

and most importantly,

12) There will never be a woman born into the world that is good enough for them in their mama's eyes.

Welcome Winter

Nothing says "f you, winter" like a trip to the beach! So we packed up the kiddies and headed to Virginia Beach for the long weekend after Thanksgiving. We stayed in a beautiful new two bedroom condo on the oceanfront courtesy of our ownership in a sister timeshare. Of course they were trying to upsell us but for a virtually free 2 night stay on the ocean, even in late November, I am all for it.

I love the ocean. Any season, I still love it. We lucked out and the weather was fairly mild - 60s for the first day and 50s for the second. We had a great time just relaxing and enjoying the quietness of the beach in Winter.

We enjoyed the drive through light show on the boardwalk, pizza in from Pi (possibly the best pizza I've ever had) and a great dinner out at the immortal Bubba's (its nicer than it sounds), but mostly we just enjoyed each other.

The Boy: 22 Months

This month Max enjoyed his first solo ice cream cone!

In only 2 months this guy is going to officially be two. I really am in shock a little that his babyhood is flying by. I won't lie and say I am the biggest fan of 0-6 months. Really I operate as if in a fog. My pregnancies are stressful. I think it takes me a good 6 months to decompress and breathe again. 6 months to 18 months is kind of tough too because they are growing so fast and changing so much that you just try to keep up, all the while trying to figure out what the heck they need/want at the given moment.

Once I get past about 1.5, I get in my comfort zone. Here I go, I'll jinx myself for sure, but I really love kids when they start to communicate and give a little with the taking. This is where we find ourselves now. There is some empathy emerging, some use for Mama and Daddy other than refilling bottles and changing diapers.

Max is emerging into quite an interesting little guy. He is clearly OCD. He loves, NO, LOVES his cars. He pronounces car as if he's from Boston ... Caaaaaaah. Actually more like CAAAAAH!!!!

He likes them in all shapes and sizes. He likes them to surround his plate when he eats. He likes to line them up and then crash them into each other. He likes anything about them. I did nothing, absolutely nothing, to encourage this behavior. I blame his father. Both his OCD (the cars have to be arranged just so) and his love of cars were in-born. He is so hard-headed. Gets that from both sides. He's also sweet. After he lashes out and tosses a car at your head, if you express distress he truly does feel sorry and will come over and rub you as if to say are you alright?

He is a complete dare devil. We spent the weekend, post-Thanksgiving, in Virginia Beach. Our resort had a great indoor pool. He didn't hesitate to walk off the edge and into the pool. Repeatedly. I suppose he just knew someone would catch him. Luckily daddy was there to oblige. He really likes torturing me by doing things like this. Tonight he stepped off the couch into thin air. He kind of tucked and rolled and major injury was averted. Me: "Are you ok??" Him: popping up and brushing it off, "K!" Now, if any of us exclaim in pain or cough he looks at us and says, "K?" See, compassion...

He had his first two temper tantrums last month, I didn't report on them in the Month 21 report thinking if I didn't acknowledge them perhaps they would go away. This month that theory seems to be working. We'll see how this pans out at we approach 2.

I know the terrible 2s are what most parents dread. I don't. I LOVE this age. Perhaps it had something to do with Ella never actually hitting that tantrum-y crazed 2 phase. She just didn't. I mean she had a few meltdowns here and there but typically entirely our fault in that we'd either over exhausted her, kept her up far past her bedtime, forgot to feed her or just generally did something stupid. I don't consider those tantrums, I consider them negative reinforcements from child to parent for dumb parenting behavior. Our kids have taught us so much more than we'll ever be able to teach them.

So....I am fastening my seat belt and planning to very much enjoy the ride.

Giving Thanks

I have so, so, so many things to be thankful for this season. Two years ago this time I still had a baby in my belly who we were not sure would be ok. His health and life are enough to make me grateful for a lifetime. I am so lucky to have the most intelligent, sweet, and adorable daughter in the world. A girl who happily splits her candy with you, insisting you get the bigger half! I have a tolerant, hard-working and loving husband who puts up with me and seems to love me more now than he did 17 years ago when we met. He knows me inside out and still somehow loves me. He gave me a beautiful family and a happy, safe home. I have the most giving mother in the world who is the best grandmother our children could ever have.

I have the most wonderful Godmother who always welcomes us into her home (at holidays and throughout the year) with such warmth and attention. The Thanksgiving spread this year was incredible, especially my favorite coconut cake. There is always more than enough to eat, games to be played, memories to be shared. She is the ultimate hostess in that you want for nothing while you are there and she makes it all seem effortless. I hope she knows how much we appreciate how much work we know she puts into making us feel so at home in her home. I love spending time with her and my Maggie! 15! Wow, where does the time go. I remember when I lived with them during graduate school, which seems like just yesterday, and Maggie was just about Max's age. She was always the sweetest, most adorable girl. I remember dropping her off at the MCV daycare, her big bubblegum eyes in my rear view mirror so excited to get to go with me!

I am also beyond blessed by my friends who are just the most gifted, smart, talented and true people in the world. I am so lucky. Life is good. Happy late Thanksgiving y'all!

Parenting Tip: The Power of Eye Contact

The power of eye contact is, I think, widely under realized. As the parent of two kids (and a former, some would say still current child myself) I have long recognized the power of "the look"!

It is the visual embodiment of hearing your entire name screamed from down the hall. It is what a parent pulls out when you have lost your mind but are right there in the room.

We all know the power of the Oh-No-You-Didn't look. We were all kids once and we all did stupid things that we should be grateful to our parents for not killing us for.

But, that is not the eye contact that I am talking about here. I have long known that one of the most important things to have for your children is compassion. The ability to get down on their level and see the world from their little 2.5 feet tall perspective. Physically speaking, both my husband and I try to do this with our kids. We were much better at it with Ella, mostly due to the 2:1 ratio. Now that we are in the man to man defense mode of parenting, its a little tougher, but no less important.

Last night I was responsible for picking up both kids and was running a little hectic at home trying to get dinner (I actually cooked!) on the table. Max has a 30 minute window typically wherein if he doesn't ingest food it will not be pretty. The 5:30-6:00 pm range is critical. So I am boiling the water and heating the sauce and feeding the dog and helping with the homework all while thinking surely Hung will be home any second and Max I think was feeling a little lost in the shuffle. He started to crank up. A bit early. It was only 5:15 and all my usual bag of tricks were not working. You want juice? NO. You want crackers? Usually greeted by a loud, enthusiastic "CrackA", all I got was a frowny face and a foot stomp. A car? Usually my ACE IN THE HOLE, a defiant NO!

He keeps looking at the stove. So I know he's hungry. And the prospect that I have actually cooked a hot meal for him is perhaps more than his little brain can handle. He keeps walking up to me saying, "mama" and I say "yes" and he says "ummmmmm." So I stopped what I was doing and I got down with him face to face, and he looks at me and steps forward and melts into a little hug.

And then all was right with the world. He ate 2 times what his sister did for dinner by the way. He likes mama's pasta.

Happy Birthday to my BEST MOM ever!

My mama and I are very, very close. So close that I often totally take her for granted and we sometimes completely get on each other's nerves. Still, there is no single person in the world who is more responsible for the person I have become or to whom I am more grateful. After all, she brought me into this world!

My mama is the middle of three children, with an older brother (affectionately known as UJ, or Uncle Joe) and a younger sister, Sherry. She was born and raised in Springfield, Illinois. Her father died when she was a very young child and her mother worked incredibly hard to raise 3 kids who were all under that age of 6 (I think).

She did not come from much. My mom is living proof to me that some people are just born good, hard working, and determined. She has overcome unbelievably difficult challenges to become the woman she is. She raised my brother and I alone from the ages of 7 and 3 (though some would argue she really raised us alone from birth). How she afforded to feed us is beyond me!

If I had to choose one word to describe her, well ... I couldn't. It would be impossible. Loving, loyal, giving, deep, funny, friend. She is not perfect, but she is always there. She is by far my best friend in the world. She is the one who knows in 1 second on the phone if I am sad, mad, happy, frenzied! I also cannot begin to imagine all of the things I have faced in my life without her. When I think of my mama, I think of copious amounts of food (I still think my husband may have married me for this reason alone), lots of laughs, and feelings of warmth and coziness.

When we heard the news about Max she hung up the phone and got in the car. I don't think I even choked out the words on the phone. I remember the sound of her and Jen in the hallway after Ella was delivered via emergency c-section - both had held it together for me until I was out of sight and then cried together in the hallway until they heard Ella's first cry. She is the person I never have to ask to come, she just knows. I try to be the same for her, driving through the night to Illinois the night word came that my gramma had died to be with her. I will never forget the look on her face, relief mixed with grief, that greeted me when I arrived. I hadn't told her I was coming until I was about 1 hour away because I didn't want her to worry.

She is the most amazing mother. She kept my brother and I fed, clothed and in school practically single-handedly. She was the one who started telling me from a very young age that I could (or was it would) go to William and Mary. How it would be paid for was never an issue, that I would have a college degree was a given. I remember late night rides home from my brother's basketball games. She attended every single game either of us ever played from YOUTH league on up. If she missed a game, I surely don't remember it.

She is an even more amazing grandmother. My daughter is who she is in large part due to her relationship (or genetic connection) with my mother. They are peas in a pod. There is a sweetness to their relationship that is indescribable. Max is just recently falling in love, but he's fallen pretty hard. Finally, I thought I was gonna be the favorite of SOMEONE ... nope, I think she's won out. I try to emulate her as I raise my kids. I imagine what incredible stress she must have felt worrying over the bills, doctor's appointments, school commitments, all without a partner. The beauty of her parenting was that, while surely I knew times were a bit lean, I never wanted for anything. I was oblivious to how hard it must have been until I had children of my own.

Mothering is a job that never ends. Some are far better at it than others. My mom could teach a class. I often find myself thinking what would my mama do? She wouldn't cry over split milk that is for sure!

Little Man

Yesterday we decided to take Max to get his first real haircut. I had attempted a trim here or there, but was reluctant to actually take him for that first official cut. Somehow its a little like admitting he isn't a baby anymore.
I know I need to get over it. Here he is looking like the little man he's becoming.

Last weekend, innocently or not, a family member had asked Why his hair was long like a GIRL! AS IF. Of course, my first reaction was you want to see a girl, I'll grow it out all Ryder-esque (that's Kate Hudson's kid who I think is 4 and hasn't had a hair cut yet) on you. Then cooler heads prevailed and I admitted to myself it was time.

Learning how to Learn

It was not my intention to create a non-disney friendly family environment. It wasn't really an ethical, anti-corporate greed stance or anything so lofty. It was more out of my personal dislike and annoyance of the disney-fication of EVERYTHING child related. I did make a conscious effort to not encourage it. If she fell in love with Snow White or Poohbear it would be an obsession of her own making, not because it was all she knew. I wanted her to know that there is more in this world to obsess about than princesses and Barbies. Perhaps it is the feminist in me. I don't know I haven't really thought too much about it.

Sure she's received disney stuff and barbies for birthdays and Christmases, even indulging in minor infatuations from time to time with Dora and the Little Einsteins. By and large, however, her interests lie in stuffed animals, drawing, and nature.

Mornings like today tell me I've done the right thing. She woke me this morning (letting me sleep until 9 - thanks Ella) to say, "Mama, when you come down stairs I have a surprise for you. I made an exhibit!" An exhibit. She's 6. Yes, she's a little bit of a brainiac, though its not really showing itself in school yet. It is only the first grade and I think she is already bored. She's always been kind of a late bloomer, never wanting to do anything until she was sure she could do it right. She gathers all of the information, examines it and turns it over in her brain until she's figured it out and then dives in. This is the EXACT opposite of me. She gets this from her father. I dive in thinking I'll figure it out along the way. Luckily I am good under pressure and typically excel in this kind of by the seat of my pants approach. Just as I can't imagine thinking the way they do, I am sure my way is odd to them.

Her intelligence is something that is not easy to discern with a standardized test. Her vocabulary - off the charts, her imagination - beyond anything I've ever seen in a child her age, and she asks the most probing questions that just leave me thinking, "WOW." And I am not all that easily impressed. When people say to me you need to advocate and get her in a GT program, I say I'll let the school sort that out. I KNOW she is gifted and talented and creative and will excel. I don't need her 1st grade teacher to tell me that. Though, she has already referred to Ella as Einstein and made the statement that she thinks she can't challenge her enough. Though I am insistent, brilliance aside reading and writing are fundamental and thus whether they bore her or not, she must master them. But I know her. I know what makes her tick. How she works. She is doing what she's told to get by all the while thinking and overthinking it in her head. One day she'll look around her little school table and see that the other 3 kids write more legibly or quickly and she'll step it up. She may not excel at what is on the lesson plan for that day, but she will excel in a true, honest intellectual curiosity kind of way. I am ok with this, in fact, I prefer it. I will ask for nothing more.

When her teacher said to me Ella's strongest aspect is her creativity and thought process I was proud. You can teach someone a mulitiplication table, but you can't teach creativity. You have to set the right environment and hope it flourishes. With Ella, I think the last 6 years have been about that process. Not telling her what to be interested in and signing her up for soccer and dance because that's what all the other kids are doing, but asking and listening when she says what it is that she is interested in pursuing.

I was in GT, I was a GREAT test taker. A pleaser. I had very few teachers who actually challenged me. I got straight As through all of high school. Maybe a B here or there but never anything less than an A for a final grade. I never felt particularly smart though, I knew I wasn't dumb but I also knew I was coasting. My skills served me well and I ended up 2nd in my high school class and was able to get into William and Mary because of it. It wasn't until I got to W&M did I truly begin to realize what true learning was. Studying, memorizing, replaying was no longer enough and it was a huge adjustment for me. At first leaving me feeling completely overwhelmed and out of my element.

It was in the depths of my feelings of "I am not cutting it here" thoughts that I remembered the one teacher, Mrs. Soucek, in 9th grade who made me work for a grade. Really work. She was the first teacher who ever told me something specific about me in an academic sense that stuck in my mind. She said I was a great writer and that I was able to say more in 3 sentences than many can say in 3 paragraphs. (Not that this is evident in my blog ... which is far more a stream of consciousness, messy and rambling entity).

For me, it is far mpre important that Ella is really learning, not just learning to churn out what is expected of her. That she is learning how to learn. I am not sure what that says about me or the way we are raising her, but for now I am pleased with the results.

Word of the Week: Deciduous

At the bus stop one recent morning.

Ella: Mama, do you know what all those trees are?

Me: Losing their leaves.

Ella: No, not what they are doing. What kind of trees they are?

Me: (its early) pause.........

Ella: Deciduous. They are deciduous trees. They lose their leaves. They are the opposite of evergreens. Does that make evergreens indeciduous?

Me: ...stunned silence.

The Boy: 21 Months (the age of the car)

You couldn't tell it from this picture, but Max is a pretty happy contented boy, except when he isn't. Lucky for us he is happy most of the time. MOST of the time.

This month we have continued development in the area of speech though he is still no where near the level his sister was at this age (think full sentences with much detail) he is working on it. I am still waiting for a sentence. He is way to focused on things like throwing and playing with his cars to worry about silly things like speech!

He is still pretty sweet but his love and devotion is now almost exclusively reserved for gramma. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? He was a mama's boy! He still likes me well enough, but nothing like gramma. I am so bitter.

He will eat anything. He loves boy stuff. Particularly cars. The more the better. I can't believe in less than 3 months he'll be 2!!!

Election Night Text Messages

My good friend, KK, knowing she would be in a meeting late into election night, asked me to keep her posted via text. I just read through the messages and wanted to share.

Nov 4, 2008 8:16 PM
MSNBC just called PA for Obama - MC has to win every tossup to have a prayer

Nov 4, 2008 9:37 PM
Still no call in VA or NC or IN - but huge call for Obama OHIO

Obama just pulled ahead in VA - it is extremely tight but only 30 % are reporting in NOVA

Nov 4, 2008 10:00 PM
Iowa to Obama

Nov 4, 2008 10:25 PM
KK: How many electoral votes does he have?

ME: 207
VA NC IN all 50-50
4000 votes apart in IN
Up almost 50K in VA with 90% returned

Nov 4, 2008 10:48 PM
Up 58K now in VA with 91% in

Fox is calling VA for Obama but no one else is yet!
He just went on top in IN by 7000 votes there, still NO CALL
With CA and VA he is at 275

Nov 4, 2008 11:00 PM
Fox calls election for Obama
And CNN just called it for Obama
And NBC just called it

KK: AMEN!!!

ME: Amazing!!!!!!!!!!

Yes We Can

I look forward to a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose.

JFK

The dream is alive.












And thank you to to the following state's citizen's for choosing to protect our right to reproductive freedom.

Thank you...

California voters for rejecting a proposition to require parental notification.

Colorado voters for rejecting a "personhood" amendment to define human life as beginning at fertilization. Had it been approved, the amendment could have provided the foundation for a ban on abortion in the state.

South Dakota voters, two years after rejecting a nearly total ban on abortion, for rejecting another sweeping but less restrictive ballot measure to outlaw abortions except in cases of rape, incest and pregnancies that threaten a woman's health.

Thank you for leaving these matters in the hands of women in concert with their doctors.

Change

Somewhere along the line they have tried to change the words Change, Hope, and Inspiration into something naive and negative.

As Robert F. Kennedy said, “Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator. And change has its enemies.”

Those of us voting for change are not naive, uninformed sheep. A spirit and movement for change is more than a presidential hopeful's promise, or a specific policy, or a change to the tax code. Much much more. I see a man who every day has risked his life quite literally to bring a new message and a new hope to this nation. Will he be a perfect president, should he be elected, definitely not. No one is perfect. He is human. I know that, his supporters know that. Howver, when they try to demonize him they lessen the argument against him. McCain would have been so much better off to keep arguing about his experience or his tax plan instead of trying to paint him as some sort of radical.

"What is objectionable, what is dangerous, about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.”

No matter what the outcome, it was with pleasure that I took my daughter to the polls today. To be able to cast a ballot that redefines the American dream for millions who never thought the day would come in their lifetime, was beyond beautiful. I have never seen so many smiling faces exiting the polls as I did today.

Turn Virginia Blue

Halloween Photos - Cat & mouse

Glass Houses ...

People in glass houses really should hold back on the tossing of stones. I am not a huge fan of Keith Olbermann. He is a bit intense for me ... but this makes it all ok.

Watch and learn about why its dangerous to start making people guilty by association.

2 More Reasons to Love Samantha Bee

Vintage from the Republican convention



And from last night's Daily Show
(its all good but it gets to Sam Bee at about 3:30)

This Just In

Rest easily, Obama is not muslim after all. He's really the son of civil rights leader, Frank Marshall Davis. Couldn't make it up folks.

Happy Birthday to my Favorite Nephew

My husband has 4 older brothers. Thanks to all of them and my one older brother I am the proud aunt to 13! Yikes...there are 3 girls (not including my own) and 10 boys (also not including my own). But there is this one, to the left, aka Andy aka my 2nd son. Sometimes I call him my Maddox. I know its not PC but he's totally my favorite. (Andy if you are reading this please don't forward to your brother and sister! I love them very much too.)

He manages to drive me insane with his Hung-like behavior, but I am closer to him by a mile than all of the rest combined. I still remember the immediate stomach turning feeling I had when I first heard about the Virginia Tech shootings. I remember his voice on the other end of the line when he said he was ok and that he'd be sitting tight. I remember telling him to call me anytime, any place and I'd be on my way if he changed his mind. I remember the utter lack of hesitation when I got that call and drove the INSANELY long way there and back to pick him up and bring him home. I remember him with a backpack and trying to shove his bike in the back of my SUV. I remember feeling thankful that he was ok and that he was coming home.

We are close by virtue of the fact that for some strange reason he likes hanging out with us. He always has. I don't think its just the stocked pantry and fridge either, though I am sure that is a contributing factor.

I first met his uncle when he was younger than Ella. It has been amazing to watch his transformation from a little boy with a bit too much energy (or was it sugar) to an adolescent who just needed a ride to basketball practice to a young man who is interesting, passionate and fully engaged. He is one of the few teens I have ever known who genuinely likes to delve into deep conversations about politics, morals, the world.

He is intelligent, thoughtful, friendly, outgoing and open minded. Quirky and fun. Funny. He makes me laugh and he laughs at my jokes. I respect him and I feel respected by him. He is warm and real. There is no pretense or falseness. He recognizes the less pleasant side of life but he refuses to be drawn into it. He is positive, upbeat and creative. He even knows my dark, moody, grouchy side and he totally gets it. Sometimes I wish he would explain me to my husband.

He basically ran his own business over the summer and is willing and able to take risks I would have never considered at his age. He is the best older cousin my two kids could ask for. Both of them love him like a brother. Both miss him when he's away at school.

I am proud of him. As proud as if he truly were my own son. I am grateful that his parents found each other and produced such a great kid. I mean, young man. My heart, my home and my family are always open to him. I take it as a great compliment that he chooses my home as a 2nd home. Even if I complain about the grocery bill spiking over summer and winter breaks, I would not have it any other way. I am looking forward to him being around again in just a few weeks.

Happy 21st to my 3rd child. BE RESPONSIBLE as you celebrate. We love you!

A Picture Worth 1000 Words

Cutest Kids Ever

Yes, I mean MINE. Max spent most of last week sick and pitiful with a fever. He rallied for the weekend and we were happy to go out and get flowers and pumpkins! Ella wanted to carve them right NOW thank you. I had to explain they would rot.

I can't believe its October! Time truly flies!

Couldn't have said it better myself...

What she said...

John McCain on Feminism

Just in case you missed it. Wow, has he always been like this and I just didn't know it? It would explain Cindy.



WALLACE: "Hasn't Governor Palin become a drag on your ticket?"

MCCAIN: "As a cold political calculation, I could not be more pleased. She has excited and energized our base. She is a direct counterpoint to the liberal feminist agenda for America. She has a wonderful family. She's a reformer. She's a conservative. She's the best thing that could have happened to my campaign and to America."

I also Heart David Gergen

I saw this piece on Anderson Cooper and totally agree with Jessi. I don't know what it is about David Gergen (ok its his voice, his calm, his humility, his COMMON sense), but I love him. LOVE him.

He served in multiple Republican administrations (Nixon, Ford, Reagan) and I believe was associated with Bush 1's campaign (the first time when he tried in 1980). He also served as an advisor to Bill Clinton. Did I mention I love him.

Let's let Jessi sum it up for us...

I Heart Amy Poehler

And Tina Fey. And Rachel Maddow.
'Nuff Said.

Thanks for reading ;)

Women's "Health"

Ok, I thought I had simmered down and wouldn't be writing a diatribe on the debate last night, but I am still steamed. Yes, I was already on Team Obama (having reluctantly found my way through my disappointment at not seeing Hillary at the top of the ticket), but McCain has just gone off the reservation.

As I told a friend, Obama "had me at hello"! A silly but true assessment.

McCain lost me and any chance I see at personal or professional redemption with his smugness, his negativity, and his total disrespect of a large segment of the electorate, and an obvious and true disdain of women and their right to make medical decisions for themselves. Yes, I am fervently pro-choice. Please do not mistake that for "pro-abortion". No one is pro-abortion. No One. To remove the nuance and dismiss the "health" of the mother as merely a far left, radical, and false argument is beyond infuriating. MORE infuriating than propping up Sarah Palin as an alternative for those of us who love and respect Hills. She's my home girl, I can call her that!

If he was the McCain of 2000 I sincerely believe that this race would have Obama heading toward defeat. The centrist, rational, "maverick" approach might of worked. But finally someone is beating the Republicans at their own game. Empty pledges, thinly veiled racism (I said it) and attempts to provoke fear or hate are not working. Ok, perhaps they are working among the fringe far right and even his base. But he had them. Independents and Republicans disillusioned with the last 8 years of mess and mayhem are simply saying no more.

McCain's positions and statements are falling on deaf ears, not because the public has been hypnotized by Obama's oh so eloquent speech. Many of us are educated. More of us, in this election particularly, have started paying attention to more than soundbites and swift boat tactics. We are not so stupid to believe that Obama is a friend to terrorists. So naive to believe that being a part of Washington for almost 30 years automatically places McCain on higher ground. We are not so blind to not notice that what he is peddling is at best empty and at worst a repeat of the last 8 years. He is out of touch and seemingly out of his mind.

At the end of last night's debate I found myself thinking, is he trying to lose? Are his advisers losing it? Is he losing it? Perhaps he had some strong words for Obama, "I am not George Bush" but they were not enough. He repeatedly opened the door for Obama to look like the thoughtful, patient, measured, rational, cool candidate. Not because he is so eloquent, but more because he was not flailing almost seething. I can't imagine this man in a diplomatic situation. I was left with the distincet and unbelieveable feeling that I dislike this guy even more than I dislike W. I never thought that would be possible. Surely 8 years ago, it would not have been the case.

I was one of those primed to be stolen from the Dems this time. After Hillary lost the nomination I was pissed. It wasn't so much that I didn't like Obama, it was that Clinton was just so emminently qualified for the job and it pissed me off that it didn't go her way. I doubt seriously I would have voted Republican but if McCain had presented a centrist, open minded, thoughtful and rational approach to the war in Iraq, our economy, a woman's reproductive freedoms, and other issues that matter to most people, I may have had to think long and hard.

Unfortunately for McCain, he decided to sell his political soul to the far right. He solidified that base, but in the process he alienated millions of voters. I am hopeful that optimism, openmindedness, tolerance, appreciation for differences, and a pure and deep intelligence will win over these people.

I, for one, hope McCain goes down and I hope he goes down in flames. Metaphorical flames, of course, because otherwise I would be just like one of the nut jobs at his rallies.

P.S. For the record on Joe the Plumber...

1. Joe doesn't have a license
2. Joe is a registered Republican
3. Joe 6 pack is his cousin (just making that one up, I think)
4. Well just read for yourself...More about Joe.

Rut Ro

Ellaism #2344

Ella: Mama, will you take me to go with you when you go to that place where you are going to decide who the next president is? (I think she thinks that I, personally, get to decide)

Me: Of course I will.

The Artist Currently Known as Ella

Ok this post is mostly just to move Dale Jr/Joe 6-pack below the fold. I am tried of seeing that belly when I open my own blog!

Two weekends ago now - whew times flies - we hit the grand opening of the new Workhouse Art Center in Lorton (5 minutes from our house). Housed in what used to be a prison.

We had no idea there was going to be a kids art class for the public. We saw a line and decided to get in it. The artist, Alex Beard, did a fabulous job with the kids. This was Ella in phase one where they were told to do the hand tracing thing and then they could make it any animal they wanted to except the infamous turkey! She decided to go with giraffe. I am still trying to figure out why the giraffe's head ended up bird-like. She is totally outside of the box.

News Flash...

Breaking news. They have located the elusive Joe 6 Pack.

The Boy: 20 Months (Or the Age of the Uh UHH)

Don't let this face paint a picture for you of what Max Month 20 has been like, but it does show you at least one side of it. He is sweet and curious and way too smart for his own good. He understands every thing we say to him. He is not compliant.

His favorite expression is "UH UHH" (not the agreement form of uh huh, but the NO WAY NO HOW form). Imagine this.

Me: "Give that to mama."

Him: "UH UHHHHH" (throw in a stomping of feet for effect).

I can't help but laugh at him and simply make him bend to my will. Hey, the day when I can exert no physical control over him will come, I might as well impose my will when I can. In a nice but firm manner. As if to explain that mama does not play that!

Simply put, he is independent and hard headed and has his very own opinions about how things should go down. Usually he and I are on the same page, occasionally we are not and that's when we get a look like this. GRUMPY.

I asked him the other day "Max are you a bad boy?" He vigorously shook his head no. I followed up with "Are you a rotten boy?" Strong nods in the affirmative. As long as we all are on the same page.

As for growth, he is growing taller and "slimming" a bit. He's talkative, though often we have no idea what he's talking about. That doesn't seem to bother him at all. He is a total mama's boy. I don't try to make it that way, it just is. He doesn't like for me to leave the room much less the house. He gets worked up easily but cools down just as quickly.

His favorite thing in the world is to play hide and seek, especially hiding in his room and collapsing in uncontrollable laughter when you open the door. As if you are a genius for finding him!

The Evolution of Max's Speech

He's never been able to pronounce Ella. For a long time it came out Eh-wuh. Now we have Lell-La. I LOVE IT. I constantly ask him to say Ella...just to hear him say "Lell-La!" Over and over.

Mccain goes negative...

Good reading for likeminded friends.

Embarracuda by Joe Klien

Another Baby!

Gotcha...

We are contemplating adding this little one to our brood. If I can talk her current dad out of her! She's the runt of her litter. She's about 1/2 the size of her litter mates. Teeny, tiny little baby beagle. My best dog EVER (sorry, Butter) was our childhood beagle, Miss Sadie. My husband is supposed to be the reasonable one and talk me out of this ... he's failing miserably!

1 Question, 2 Very Different Answers

Differences of opinions aside, I can't even figure out what it is she is saying.

I need to get this for the iPhone

If only he was old enough to vote! For the record, the sticker is NOT my doing. My daughter who says I should vote for the one who doesn't want war also known as Harack Obama (her pronunciation not mine) placed this sticker on her brother's scooter.

I didn't notice it untl days later and when I did boy did I laugh.