Dress Rehearsal

Tomorrow is the big day: Halloween. But today is "Storybook Character" day at Ella's school. Don't get me started on the you can't call it Halloween. Anyway, she decided to go as Tinkerbell (because we had to have the book to go with the costume).

Time will tell whether she wants to reprise Tinkerbell tomorrow or go with her actual costume - a maiden, which she has declared: "Kind of boring, mama!"

Today also marked our first attempt at a bun. Because, well DUH, Tinkerbell had a bun!

124 Sticks of Butter

For some reason, way back in the day, I started the habit of tracking weight loss in sticks of butter. I think it started with thinking that went something like this, "Ugh I have been doing so well and I only lost a 1/4 of a pound!" Then someone, I think it was my godmother, said to me "That's a stick of butter." That visual helps focus me and makes what seems so insignificant actually mean something. Silly, but effective.

Slowly, beginning in college, I started accumulating extra weight. Too much Domino's not enough basketball. I was NEVER overweight as a child or in high school, so it came as a bit of a surprise to me when my metabolism couldn't keep up with me anymore. I was never skinny, but I was athletic and fit. In graduate school I lost a significant amount of weight and then I moved in with my now husband and it started to creep back on. Do you ever wonder why that so often happens to women? Anyway, I know exactly what I weighed at the end of high school, exactly what I weighed the day I got married, what I weighed the day I found out I was pregnant with Ella, at the end of my pregnancy, after I had her, when I got pregnant with Max, at the end of that pregnancy, and after I had him. I suspect this is a woman thing as well. The weight had gone on and off, but was on a steady march upward. After both kids, I got back down to my pre-pregnancy (over) weight status with in a month or two. It probably helped that I only gained about 17 pounds with each. But soon, slowly, within 6 months or so, it would start creeping back up. There was just no excuse for me to see my weight heading to almost where I was at the END of my pregnancies. 2 years later. It was time to stop thinking "oh this is baby weight!" Delusions and denial! At various points I truly just didn't care, or was too tired to deal with it, or too busy focusing on my kids and other priorities.

In January I decided to commit myself to being healthier. It all started with the approach of my husband's term life insurance renewal and just a general feeling of UGH. On and off back pain, fatigue, sluggishness. Though weight loss isn't the end all be all it certainly couldn't HURT me and if I was lucky it could make me feel significantly better.

The Hubs has always been a "I'll work out and eat whatever I want" kind of guy. Well, work out all you want but if you are burning 400 calories in the gym and then consuming a 1000 calorie burrito at lunch, guess what? You are gonna gain weight. In his case he had an extra 20 pounds or so. I, on the other hand, well we'll just not go there. I am a pretty straight forward person but not quite that open!

We both started, slowly, to make small changes. Mostly changes related to our diet. He dropped 25 pounds in about 5 months and has maintained that for another few. He's a dude. I swear they think about losing weight and it falls off.

I, on the other hand, between January and March, lost five pounds and then gained ten. What the hell! And then a switch flipped in my brain. It wasn't so much an aha moment as I have known all along the HOW of losing weight, but it was as if my way of thinking when it comes to food completely shifted. Let's face it ... WE all know how to lose weight. I had lost 40 pounds back in grad school 12 years ago. But even then, it wasn't really a lifestyle change for me. The shift had not occurred. I was as obsesssssed with food as ever and not comfortable in my decisions, not confident in my direction. And let's also be honest, I like food too much to ever subsist on a salad and water diet. It just would never work long-term for me.

I am not sure what happened, believe me I have considered that I have some illness causing the weight loss, but I believe that I simply relate to food differently now. I still eat. I still have an appetite. I still LOVE great food, good wine and a dessert every once in a while.

So many people have asked me, "What are you doing?" as if I have some secret mysterious weight loss trick. I don't. Starting in April, when the mental shift occurred I began to believe that I could do this. Just as I am great at gaining weight, I could be great at losing it. If I really wanted to, like everything else in my life, I would make it happen. It just had to be my real priority.

Starting in April I have slowly ... OH SO SLOWLY ... but also steadily trimmed the bod. 31 pounds in 6 months, or an average of a pound a week. Many weeks I lose nothing. Other weeks I lose 2 or even 3 pounds. More often I lose a quarter of a pound one week and a third of a pound the next. Teeny, tiny, baby steps. I am still only about half of the way to where ultimately I would like to be, but I am confident I can get there. I would LOVE to lose another 124 sticks of butter (that's another 31 pounds to those who aren't good with math), but I would be satisfied with 80 sticks or another 20 pounds. I am determined to continue to take it one step at a time and seeing where it goes. Max weighed 38 pounds this past January when he turned two, so I am using that as my next milestone. 7 pounds to go. Imagine that, a pretty big monkey I am no longer carrying around on my back!

Here's what I have learned so far:

1. Less is More. I would rather have less of something I reallllllly love than more of some "diet" option. I like real half&half in my coffee, I don't trust non-fat milk products, I don't like sugar free treats. I'd rather have one real brownie than ten snackwells.

2. Ditch the Soda. I drink a ton of water, I still hit starbucks about 3 times a week, I no longer drink soda or sugary drinks. I might have 2 Coke Zeros a week. This change alone probably accounts for a good ten pounds.

3. Exercise, while helpful, isn't Required. Let's be honest, moving your ass helps. If I exercised routinely I would probably be much further along than I am, but for me, working out in a gym 3-5 times a week isn't realistic and it is not something I think I could maintain long term. I do not want to do this in a way that I won't be able to maintain. I think it would just set me up for furture failure. I don't enjoy it. It takes time away from my family. This doesn't mean I am not active. I am. My activity revolves around dancing in the living room with my kids, helping Max pedal his little police car around the driveway. Things I enjoy that I can easily work into my life.

4. Only Make Changes that are Sustainable. I made the decision in April I was going to do this with real food. I would rather take 2 years to get where I want to be by doing things I can maintain for the rest of my life, than to lose 50 pounds in 6 months because I am having a shake for lunch or taking some pill. Yes, a quick rapid visible change is more motivational perhaps, but its not lasting. As soon as you revert to normal eating, the weight comes back. How discouraging is that? No thank you.

5. Do it for Yourself. Don't do it because the wedding is coming up or the reunion. Or because you want to look better for your sigfig. Or because you want to make your ex jealous. Do it for YOU. Its ok if you do it because YOU want to look better for YOU. There is not a cookie in the world worth feeling good in your own skin. I did this for me. All the other stuff will fall into line when you approach it this way.

6. Do not expect Perfection. This is a hard one for me. I like to do stuff perfectly. Life isn't perfect. Sometimes you are going to have a bad week. Sometimes you'll have a great week and it won't show up on the scale. I stopped letting that sabotage me. I kept doing what I was doing and sure enough it would show up a few weeks later.

7. Trader Joe's Is Your friend. I LOVE Trader Joe's. Many of their products have become staples of our diet. Yummy, fresh and truly unique dishes make all the difference and stave off the I can't eat another carrot tantrum. I make their teriyaki BBQ chicken mixed with their schezwan string beans and it tastes just like chinese take out without all the heavy oil and msg.

8. Treat Yourself. I have continued to drink wine. I have had bi-monthly dinners out with my BFF that includes a blooming onion (I KNOW bad) and a ribeye. I have gone to Ray's the Steaks and been to birthday parties where I had a slice of cake and a piece of pizza or two. I have gone on two vacations. Still, I have managed to move in the right direction.

I have found that it is all about trade-offs and doing it in a way that you can keep up for the long term. Again, NOT Rocket Science. Nothing here is earth-shattering news! If it is worth doing it is worth a little bit of work. It is not the two teaspoons of sugar in my coffee or a slice of pizza now or then that put on the weight to begin with, more likely the 1/2 a pizza, the not caring enough to think about what I was putting in my mouth. I eat well and balanced more often than I don't. That has made all the difference in the world.

Parent Teacher Conference Time

Today it was time for the fall parent teacher conference. I had taken the time to sit down one-on-one with her teacher about a month ago to give her the heads up about Ella's, for lack of better words, learning style. Ella is smart. Very smart. This we know. However, she has so much in her brain that I sometimes worry she won't be able to demonstrate her intelligence in traditional ways.

So her teacher, about 2 minutes into the conference says, "I have never had a student quite like Ella." At first I was concerned, by the end I understood exactly what she was trying to say to me. Ella was the only kid she has taught who knew during the standard 2nd grade science experiment that the magnet wouldn't stick to a penny. As her teacher put it, "That's the point of the experiment, they all think the penny will stick." Ella had explained, "A penny is copper and a metal needs iron to stick to a magnet, sort of like a meteorite." Yes, this so comes from her dad.

BUT she needs to work on her focus! REALLY needs to work on it. When the teacher looks at you, points to her head and says "if we could get whats in here on paper, WOW" I take it as a compliment, but also a challenge! I just don't want her to be one of those crazy smart people with zero attention span, but I'll take it over dumb as a post and very focused! I am just glad her teacher gets her and is fascinated instead of annoyed. She kept saying, "I am trying to figure her out." I was thinking....good luck with that!

Last week they had standardized testing. Basically, intelligence testing using spatial relations, games and problems that do not require verbal or written skills. I like that her teacher is interested enough in how her brain works to have watched her closely during the testing. She paid particular attention to some of the tougher, trickier questions and saw that Ella was marking them correctly. We are both very curious to see what her test scores indicate. Her lack of focus could do her in, but she came home everyday of the three day testing saying it was easy stuff.

The thing I love most about her is she explains/expresses her intelligence so nonchalantly. Never does she say it with even the slightest indication that she thinks you are a total idiot for not knowing what she knows. She is not a know it all. She just knows stuff. A LOT OF STUFF.

Her teacher also indicated that Ella is her little fact sharer. She routinely shares random facts with her teacher to which her teacher typically responds, "How do you know that? Did you see it on TV or read it in a book?" Ella usually says she doesn't know how she knows she just knows. Again, further evidence in my book for reincarnation!

Today she was line leader so she decided to tell the teacher a joke. Where do sheep like to go for vacation? The Baaaaa-hamas. When asked where she heard that joke, she said, "In my brain!"

I am so pleased with her teacher. Ella is one of those kids that a teacher can make or break. Well not really, cause she's not breakable ... but you know what I mean. A teacher who sees beyond the "did she finish the assignment" and really gets, or tries to anyway, what makes her tick. LOVE her.

Politics Aside...

This just should not happen. It is wrong.

In 2007, nearly two-thirds of all bankruptcies in the U.S. were tied to medical debt, and nearly 80% of those who filed for protection were insured at onset of illness.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Cool Shot

Recovery

Today's DOW climb to 10,000+, for the first time in a over a year, gave me the courage to take a peek at my 401K. I had not looked since SEPTEMBER of 2008. I am really good at this denial thing.

Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised (most likely the result of very low expectations) to see that my account is back to where it was in October of 2007. So I lost a year or two. I can deal with that. Last September its total worth dropped a little more than 20%. Since then it has grown slowly but steadily.

Conversations with Max

It has begun. The transition. I know others have been saying for a while he's not a baby anymore, but I have chosen this lovely status called denial. I knew, even before Max was born, that he was to be my last baby. I knew even more clearly after our ordeal with him that it was to be my last pregnancy. My doctor, my pediatrician, my family, my friends ... they all cut me off. I don't blame them. I cut myself off. I couldn't handle the emotional roller coaster of another pregnancy, no matter what the outcome. He is a miracle and I am not one to tempt fate. Still, it is so bittersweet and I see how couples, especially mothers, say, oh just one more.

He is finally speaking in more than a combination of single words and grunts with a few hand gestures thrown in for good measure!

On the recent transition from baby crib to BIG boy bed.


He looked at me in his old (now crib-less room) and said, "Where my crib go?"

I said, "It is all gone, you are a big boy now."

He said, "I not a big boy. I a LITTLE boy."

So I said, "Where'd my baby go?"

And he turned and looked around and over both shoulders before turning back to me and saying with a shrug of the shoulders, "I don't know."

I miss my baby a little bit, but I love this new little man that is emerging!

Max's Big Boy Room

Long ago I decided when it was time for Max to move into his big boy bed, he would move down the hall to closer to his sister. Upstairs in our house we have 4 bedrooms; our master, two that share a jack and jill bathroom, and one with its own bathroom. The transition began a few weeks ago.

This:



To This:



Finally became this:

Best of the Beach

Best of our week in VA Beach. Though I will reluctantly accept that summer is over, I am still going to wear my flip-flops until my toes threaten to freeze off of my feet!

Why I Read Dooce.com Faithfully

From dooce.com:

Internet, when Leta was five months old, we let her cry herself to sleep. Hello, my name is Heather, and I am a baby killer.

I wrote about it a few times and was told in no uncertain terms that when I die and am standing at the judgment bar of God that he will not bring up all those times I had sex before I was married, or that handful of times I smoked pot and got so paranoid that I locked myself in a closet (the police wouldn't look in there!), or the fact that I find Bill Clinton really sexy, no. God is going to shake his head and ask me why I didn't love my baby. And then I'd be sentenced to share a bunk with John Gotti in a cell next to the public toilets in Hell.

....my philosophy is that you do what you have to do to make you and your family a functional unit. Whatever works.

Keep it REAL girl! Keep it real.

New STJ Countdown

Next up is a solo (semi-solo, no family) trip to STJ. I have managed to swing a virtually free trip by volunteering to puppy sit on island for a friend I have met through my travels & obsession with the island. Place to stay and car included.

Today I put a flight on hold using my Delta Frequent Flier Miles - 35K - for March 11-18.

So 160 days or so to go.

Woooooot.

All I have to cover is taxi fare from the airport to the ferry and the ferry and food and fun. SWEET!