We're going back...

Ok, so we all know the trip to STJ for '06 was cancelled. Well, I could NOT stand it anymore. So frequent flier tickets for the time span I was eyeing became available. There was no resisting. We'll be heading back Thursday, November 15 - Friday, November 23rd, 2007. Yes, this means we'll be spending Thanksgiving on island! 8 glorious nights, 9 wonderful days. Plus, we'll be overlapping gramma's birthday as well as it lands on Turkey Day in 2007!

And the best part is I won't be prego so I can enjoy all the Rum Punches and Painkillers I want!

Busy Holidays!!!

Before I forget all the fun things we have going on this holiday season & before I complain about being tired one more time ... let's reflect on our holiday schedule!

Friday, December 22: Gramma came to town and she and I shopped old town for the afternoon and then headed home to the girl and daddy. Then we had a surprise visit from hubby's brother and 3 year old nephew for some play time. (My sister in law had been mega shopping for 2 days straight and my brother in law couldn't take it anymore. But he brought us goodies so that was ok!)

Saturday, December 23: Kathykins, Maggie and Jeff (Godmother & Brood) came to town for a little Christmas Adam (that's what we call the day before Christmas Eve) cheer. My mom's homemade lasagne, nice salad, garlic bread, chocolate cake. Yummy goodness. We invited the 3 cousins over as well and they really seemed to enjoy themselves. Plus, we did a bit of early Christmas present opening.

Sunday, December 24th: KK & her hubby and mama came over with a wonderful roast and sides. We enjoyed a YUMMY dinner, more presents and dessert!

Monday, December 25th: Neither Gramma or I made it out of our PJs (even when we had to run to Exxon for batteries and milk). We opened gifts, watched the girl's amazement. She was MOST thrilled that Santa wrote her back. She left him a note asking why he only comes when she's asleep and he answered her! Imagine that. She, of course, got way too many presents. A new dollhouse, a dinosaur, a talking microscope, a new coat, new stuffed kitties, and on and on. Mama (that's me) got a LOVELY new jewelry box - very large to consolidate the 3 smaller ones I have things in now & with room to grow (Hint to daddy). Daddy got spoiled too ... lots of boy toys. Electronics, games, camping stuff, weird things that only boys enjoy. All in all Christmas day was the most relaxing of the whole weekend.

Today, Wednesday, December 27th: Daddy & I have a date night! Which will entail as little physical activity as possible!

Friday, December 29th: We are going for a nice dinner with our friends Dr. G (our pediatrician not to be confused with Dr. G of perinatology fame) & his lovely & also prego wife. She's due in May! Part of the baby boom!

Saturday, December 30th: Mama (again me) will be going over to a girlfriends for a Pink Elephant party. I am not 100% sure what that is ... but I am game!

Sunday, December 31st: We'll be spending New Years Eve with our friend P & B, Dr. G & his lovely prego wife, and the kids. The girls will be constructing gingerbread houses. I know that is more of a Christmas thing but they are 4 and don't care!

Then it will be JANUARY. And the final countdown can truly begin. I should stop complaining about being so darn tired as it is all my own doing. Here's hoping for only the best in the New Year!

Another Doctor Appointment Down...

...only 9 more scheduled appointments to go! Now that we are moving into the final stretch of things, I visit my OB 1x a week and my Perinatologist 1x a week for sonograms and fetal monitoring.

Yesterday, I did my 1/2 hour in the chair at the perinatal center at Alexandria hospital and the baby did fantastically. Sono showed the same. Beautiful lungs and practice breaths, still fluid in the belly. Doctor G. assures me this is nothing to worry about, non life threatening. He said the baby is behaving as if he could care less that the fluid is there. Which is a great thing. Baby boy has been EXTREMELY active and I am still in doubt I will make it to February 5! That's 5 weeks and 4 days! Seeing in my opinion will be believing. I am looking forward to that GIANT sigh of relief. Probably loads of tears of relief too!

So ... a week ago they measured and there is a good reason I feel MORE pregnant now than I did at the end with the girl. She weighed 6 lbs, 15 oz at birth. This guy is already over 7 lbs! TGF C-sections! They will measure every other week to make sure nothing is too out of control. Of course my mom - who delivered an 11 lb, 4 oz and an 11 lb, 14 oz baby has no sympathy! Not really, she feels my pain.

I am ready. When he is ready I am ready! Is it February yet???

Christmas!!!

A new dollhouse from Santa!















Cookie Making is fun!















Gramma Mezo and all the Cousins!















A present for mama - note "not for Daddy"















Sous Chef Girl w/ her new hat from KK















Dino Construction with Daddy

My New Microscope - it talks.

5 things you didn't know about me until now

Summer tagged me so I must play along! 5 things you didn't know about me until now... though I can't promise you don't know these .. I am pretty much an open book.

1. My entire life I always thought I would grow up to be a lawyer. I even still entertain thoughts of going to law school for the fun of it. My husband says my argumentative skills are going to waste.

2. I weighed 11 lbs, 4 ozs at birth. Which is why my mother offers ZERO sympathy when I whine that this boy in the belly is already over 7lbs. Looks like he'll weigh in around 9-10 lbs when all is said and done. A good lb or two smaller than me. My brother was 11 lbs, 14 oz. My mother is 5'2. Yes, we were delivered the old fashioned way. HOW I do not know!

3. I am the only member of my family - including aunts, uncles, cousins, brother, mom, dad, grandparents - to be born south of the mason dixon line. Hence my rebel status :)

4. I have a masters degree in Social Work. Though many would think it is going to waste, all the psychology and clinical training required for that masters comes in handy every day.

5. When I was growing up I lived in Jamaica (Virginia) in a little country house with horses, a goat, ducks, chickens, guinea hens, a dog and cat!

And the Bonus #6...Though I don't look so huge from the front (see above)...

It's ALMOST Christmas...

How did this happen?? Only 3 more days. The girl is of course more excited about Gramma coming than Santa, but still ... Christmas morning should be a lot of fun this year.

Merry Christmas all!!!

Stealing from Summer...

So where have you been? I had been more places than I thought. This is all the states I have actually visited, not including plane stops. Just like Summer. I will get to add Utah to the list this Summer - conference time! And Colorado will be added in late 2007 as we go for our pre-con site visit in Denver.

8lbs & Banking Cord Blood

8 lbs ... no that is not how much the baby weighs already, that's how much I have gained. I feel like I've gained about 50 lbs. Though in reality 5 lbs is baby, 5lbs is other baby incubating materials. I've really lost 2 lbs. How is that for rationalizing? Trust me, I could care less how much I gain or don't gain, I just want a healthy little one.

I visited Dr. J-C this morning, however she was off to the hospital to deliver a woman who had called at 9:30 am saying she "thought" she was in labor. To be cautious, Doc sent her to the hospital. They checked her ... she was 8cm! So needless to say, she needed to go. So I saw the nurse and everything seems fine.

I head out around 1pm to go to see Dr. Ghidini for the fetal stress test and the weekly sono.

7 weeks from yesterday this will all be over! Or as some might say, it will have only just begun!

We have also decided to bank this baby's cord blood. Many say its a rip-off scheme, but its not something I am willing to risk not doing and then wishing I had. Its about $2000. $1800 after the special discount! But they let you pay it over a year and then its just $125/year to store it. Right now it has been used to treat about 40 different things, cancers, inborn errors of metabolism, etc. Considering all we've been through with this pregnancy and the fact that our children are of mixed race (i.e. hard to find a match in a public bank), I think it is worth it. I hope it is an insurance policy we NEVER have to use.

Coincidence or Something in the Water? You Decide!

First it was just an interesting coincidence that while I was expecting a new baby one of my friends was in the process of adopting a new baby. Then, it was just a little odd but not completely over the top that my hubby's best friend from junior high through high school is expecting a baby in March. THEN, we found out his other extremely close friend from that time frame is expecting a baby in MAY. And today, I get an email from one of his friend's (now also my friend) from junior high ... she's expecting a new baby. It is a baby boom.

I would suggest not drinking the water and/or ending your friendships with my husband if you do not want to reproduce anytime soon ;)

Are people REALLY this dumb?

Today while stopping off on the way in to the office at Dunkin Donuts I witness the following.

FFX co. cop parked in the "FIRE/DO NOT PARK HERE ZONE" (Yes, the cop is in the car not inside getting a donut). A young professional looking guy in a silver audi pulls up, hits the hazards and runs into the store. The cop gets out and begins to give him a ticket. Guy comes out, donut and coffee in hand, and says to the cop "What are you doing?"

Cop: "Well, sir, I am writing you a ticket?"

Yuppie: "What?"

Cop: "Did you not see my MARKED car?"

Yuppie: "Sure, but I didn't think you'd give me a ticket."

Cop: "Did you see the sign?"

Yuppie: "Yeah but I was only in there for a minute."

The cop just shakes his head and snickers...and hands him the ticket.

Seriously, I can understand you park there run in and when you come out a cop is there waiting...but to park IN FRONT OF THE COP CAR and get out and run in...people, seriously!

So yesterday ...

So Yesterday I went for my first fetal stress test & my 30th weekly sonogram. The stress test is really nonstressful. You sit in a recliner. They strap you to a fetal heartrate monitor and a contraction monitor, bring you a glass of juice and ask you to push a button everytime you feel the baby move. Simple enough. If the baby is active it can take as little as 20 minutes. Basically they are just looking to see if the baby has any heart rate anomolies or any issues related to movement. They are also looking to make sure that I am not having regular contractions. So I sit, drink, and push the button for about 1/2 an hour. Baby looks great. Heart rate good and steady. I do great, only 1 contraction which at this point is normal as the old uterus starts practicing. Lucky for me ... it won't need this practice because c-section makes perfect :) Blood pressure is 116/65. Looks great.

Well, each week from here on out after the stressfree stress test I go back to the sonogram room for a scan. Supposed to be brief to measure amniotic fluid & just peek at the baby. Dr. Poggi comes in and looks around. Amniotic fluid is good, lungs are good, but there is seemingly MORE abdominal swelling/fluid than before. Its all getting really subjective now asa the baby's rate of growth increases, so is it more relative to the baby's growth, who knows. But it looks like more. She says she'd feel better if Ghidini looked at it. Ok, fine by me as I love him and I'd feel better that way too.

Still, my heart races a bit because the last time someone looked at a sonogram and left the room to get someone else the word "catastrophic" came up shortly there after. Anyway, in comes Ghidini with his sunny disposition. He takes a look & is honest, says he can't really explain it. Further accumulation would be contrary to his expectations and all literature and that it is definitely not negatively impacting anything. Ok, so why is it there? No idea. Great. SO frustrating.

They say they will, of course, meet with the neonatologists and offer them a complete history of this pregnancy, they will be there at delivery, that he expects at best they'll do little other than an ultrasound of the baby at birth & send him home w/ me at 3 days with close follow-up. At worst, they will want to drain the fluid and still possibly send him home at 3 days. I think they really don't know until he is here. Which brings me to this ...

7 weeks and 4 days! I think I can I think I can I think I can.

The New Plan...

So I've been thinking about our next vacation. I found out via Destination St. John's lovely Lori that we are not wed to the house we originally booked, so I have found a new contender. Possibly the lovely Calicaribe. That's the pool. NIce, eh?

The plan for now (I am waiting for Delta's FF tickets to open for this time frame) is to leave the day after Thanksgiving 2007 or Friday, November 23rd - returning on Friday, November 30th. I have found after several trips to STJ it is best to avoid Saturday and Sunday departures or arrivals. Our last trip we arrived on a Tuesday and it was fantastically quiet and easy to get where we needed to go.

So I am hoping the FF tickets will be easy to snag and then we'll set it all up! I need something to look forward to after all that we've been through in 2007. We'd have to pull the girl out of school for a week, but I think she'll survive. Its ONLY kindergarten. So she'd be 5.5 and baby would be almost 10 months old.

8 weeks ... and yes I am COUNTING

8 weeks from today (at the latest) we should have a baby boy. 2 weeks till Christmas and then only 6 weeks more ... am I counting? YES!

A Christmas Retrospective

Look what we found under the tree!















Here at 1.5 years old (after tears) agreeing to sit on the doggie.



















2.5 LOVING the tree



















3.5 trying to look sweet...

Daniel Craig

I was a nonbeliever. Bond can't be blonde and blue-eyed. I wanted Clive Owen (and still think he would have made an excellent choice). But Mr. Craig pulled it off. Complete and total hotness. Not that I would EVER objectify a man. I don't usually like action flicks. Not really into Bond. But this was a damn good story. 2.5 hours long and I would have sat through another hour without a complaint.

4lbs, 6 oz. & February 5th

I had two doctor's appointments this week - Tuesday with the perinatologists for a sonogram and Wednesday with my ob for a routine check (and to officially schedule the c-section for February 5th). All is looking ok.

Baby boy is only up 2 oz! That's a good thing. He's still growing and is 90% for size and weight in utero. How they know this I have no clue. There is still persisting abdominal fluid which is freaking me out but doesn't appear to be worrying the docs too much. I am not sure if they are not too worried because they know there is nothing they can do about it but wait till he is on the outside or if its truly not a big deal. So .. I worry. Its what I do now. I don't like anything that is not normal, but relatively speaking I guess for this baby its ok. Lungs are looking great. He's very active and got another 8 of 8 on fetal movement.

So from here we are going to the OB every other week until January, then its every week. Perinatologists want to see me weekly from here on out. In theory, 8 weeks of doctor's appointments to go. I based on nothing but my own gut do not think I will make it 8 more weeks. I think we'll be meeting this baby in late January. But that's just me! I feel more pregnant NOW than I did at the end with the girl! Boys!

A Fun Holiday Questionnaire

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Oh both...Love egg nog if it involves RUM and is nice and cold. Warm egg nog NO! Hot chocolate is yummy goodness!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa wraps using his own special wrapping paper, unless said present is HUGE and then it just goes under the tree with a big bow.

3. Colored lights on tree/house--colored or white? WHITE. Only. Though when we go Christmas Light looking we enjoy the colors!

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving or the first weekend in December. This year we started WAY early because I am only gonna be marginally mobile for a little while longer. As it was getting the lights on the tree was a challenge. MEN + Lights = DISASTER!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? My mom's sweet potatoes - they are caramelized goodness & my gramma's homemade noodles (which I now make because she's no longer around). And anything my Godmother makes!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? STOCKINGS! Love love love the stocking. I still whine if mine is not properly filled!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I was about 8 I think...I think I suspected but held onto the fantasy cause it meant more presents! Then a present appeared under the tree before Christmas from Santa. MOM was found out!

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Usually just 1!

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? White lights and ornaments that signify something. I try to get an ornament everywhere we visit so there is a cowboy hat from San Antonio and a Cactus from Arizona, my favorite is the really sparkly Fleur de lis from New Orleans. There are also a couple of Ella's Christmas pictures framed from year's past and a few I made as a kid. Its like an adventure every year. Ella spent the entire time we decorated this year unwrapping an ornament and exclaiming "OH MY GOODNESS, THIS IS BEAUTIFUL" and then proceeding to hang 4 per branch.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? I love to look at it. I hate it when it keeps me immobile. As long as we can go and do I am ok. If I am homebound for more than a day I hate it!

12. Can you ice skate? Have you ever fallen on the ice? Um, NO. Never tried but I am pretty sure still no. Plus the center of gravity is a bit off these days. I don't think I have fallen on the ice.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? The one that is most memorable was a crayola color craft center that I got when I was about 7 or 8 from my godmother. I LOVED IT. It had everything ... scissors, paint, crayons galore. I was also truly ecstatic when I got my first walkman - it was the yellow sony one ... anyone else have one of those?

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Trying to not become overwhelmed and trying to take the time to catch up with old friends and my family. Plus, making it somewhat magical for Ella. It really is way more fun with a kid!

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Pecan pie!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Decorating the tree with Ella. Can it be a tradition if we've only done it a couple of years?

17. What tops your tree? A big gold bow.

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? Giving when I get it just right and find the perfect thing for someone. Receiving when I get something and I realize that someone really knows me based on what they got me.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? I love the new Sarah McLachlan Christmas CD - Wintersong - her voice is so beautiful. Love Ave Maria too. Jingle Bell Rock!

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? YUM! Love Peppermint!

Christmas Decorating

Well, our holiday decorating is in full swing. The tree is up. The banisters are decorated. The door is lit, the wreath is hung. Everything it seems is done. I am also doing my part to keep the UPS and FedEx drivers in a job, the deliveries have begun.

I am proud to say I have COMPLETED all shopping for the kids in my life. Now, if only the adults were that easy.

Post Turkey Coma

Thanksgiving People















Magster & Alana up to no good.















Us -aren't we so sweet :)

It's the Monday after Thanksgiving and I am still in the post-turkey coma phase. Hopefully I will come out of it in time for Christmas. I should have gone to bed before midnight last night! Every day of this long weekend seemed like Sunday, so when Sunday finally arrived I was in denial.

We had an enjoyable Thanksgiving holiday. It began with my mama coming to town on Wednesday afternoon - the day of her 57th birthday! The girl and I had made cupcakes for her and wrapped presents. They were so excited to see each other! Gram picked her up early at Jeannie's for the day. Wednesday night we went out for a birthday dinner and then came home to sleep.

We were up early on Thursday to prepare our contributions to the thanksgiving lunch at my godmother's. My granny's homemade egg noodles from me and carmelized sweet potatoes from my ma. YUM! Smelling those all the way to Richmond was torture. Thanksgiving at Kathykins was great. There was tons of food and family and the girl thoroughly enjoyed playing with her cousins.

Christmas ambition set in on Saturday with us going out to get a Christmas tree, putting up our decorations and decorating the tree in the evening. The little one was LOTS of help. Every ornament she pulled out got an "OH MY GOSHHHHHHHH THIS IS BEAUTIFUL" oh, to be a child again! Last night hubby and I battled the garland with lights for the bannister. What a total PITA. But we got it done. Tonight the last phase, the garland with lights for the front door. Then we are pretty much set. Except I think every day I am gonna here "Mama, when is Christmas? Is today Christmas?"

Tis the season...

4lbs, 4oz

A face shot for your viewing enjoyment. It is now official - this baby boy is an over achiever. He is measuring about a week bigger than a standard baby. Nothing to worry about and not surprising considering the girl has always been at the top or off of the growth chart! So I have big babies, sue me!

We went today for a "routine" sonogram check. The fluid on the lungs is still gone. YAY. The fluid in the belly is still there, actually accounting for some of those ounces. Boo. It is less this time but only marginally so - down from 1 oz to .93 oz. Still we are happy to take less.

Fetal movements are great - 8 out of 8 (and who makes an 8 pt scale anyway?).

He seems happy. I go back on Tuesday, December 5th for anther "routine" scan.

I am supposed to go to Utah the week after thanksgiving for our conference site visit but I am thinking that's not gonna happen. Chances are all would be fine, but I am not so into taking any chances right now. At first I think I was euphoric after the lungs cleared and thought I am fine ... but I just would never forgive myself if after all this something happened that I could have prevented.

So my husband says...

The other night we are just chatting and he says to me, "I feel sorry for our kids future spouses."

Me: "Why?"

Hubby: "Well I feel sorry for the Ella's because well she's Ella"

Me: "WHAT!" (she's not high maintenance or anything, she just knows what she wants!)

Hubby: "And I feel sorry for our son's future wife, well because of you."

Me: "WHAT!" (though I know EXACTLY what he is saying.)

I continue: "You are probably right, I'll be way worse than your mother and I won't give up as easily!"

So ... which brings me to this. Don't we all think the baby boy will need this shirt?

Back To Business

After an entire week - 7 days ... count'em - with no doctor appointments we are gearing up for another round of baby related things.

Today I had an early morning dental cleaning. Nice clean polished teeth feel so lovely.

Lunchtime Massage appointment today as well. My back is doing better but I have decided massages every other week are key.

Tomorrow we have NOTHING.

Thursday I need to go for my glucose test (which requires fasting so we do this first thing in the morning) and for my bile acid bloodwork.

Friday first thing in the morning I will go for my rhogram injection. That's for my RH - status. I got one after the first amnio, but they recommend a 2nd injection at 28 weeks. Then I get to see my best buddy, Dr. Ghidini again. Just a routine check to measure baby and check the lungs via sonogram. I am slightly nervous but confident things will still be good.

Tuesday of next week I go for my next OB check-up with Dr. J-C. That is when we will schedule the c-section.

Then I get to relax & enjoy Thanksgiving!

The big sister's room is finally coming together. While I was out relaxing with my friend KK last night getting a pedicure and having dinner, Dad & the girl put together her new dresser (she hammered & was very proud) and 4 bookcases for her new room. Really now it is just a matter of moving her bed, clothes, and wall hangings etc. Hopefully by this weekend she'll be settling into the new digs. I'll post pictures once we get it done.

We're supposed to be here this week...

Who Did This?

My mama took this picture of me this past weekend when I was visiting her. WHO DID THIS? All of a sudden I am huge! 6 months +.

The Girl & I go to the Oyster Fest

The Girl and I decided to celebrate our good news last week with a trip to the 49th annual Urbanna Oyster Festival (her 5th my 28th or so). Dad had to work and thus couldn't join us. With the boss' approval we decided to play hookie and got up on Friday morning and headed to Gramma's!

















Happy to be at Gram's house!

The Good News Just Continues

From least to most important....

1. Britney dumps K-Fed --- Isn't FedEx the BEST celeb moniker ever?

2. Dems take the House!

3. Dems appear to take the senate with VIRGINIA'S new senator elect Webb. Just a few months ago, behind 16 points in the polls. Thank you former Governor & soon to be former Senator Maccaca Allen!

4. Rumsfeld steps down!

5. We have our first EVER female Speaker of the House.

6. It appears that "deciding factor" Justice Kennedy is at least asking the tough and good questions on the current abortion case before the Surpreme Court. Can I just reiterate ... No Uterus...NO OPINION. Still, I was heartened to hear some justice on NPR (not sure which one) in the proceedings yesterday say and I am paraphrasing, "But we aren't talking about any fetus who would be viable outside the womb. These are not fetuses who are going to live. Period." And maybe the same guy maybe someone else chiming in saying that shouldn't judges stay out of the way of the doctors and the women faced with the decisions, i.e. the judge makes a bad decision and a woman pays for it with her future fertility or even her life.

Maybe I am hypersensitive to this issue having just faced a potential "late-term" abortion. I was 19 weeks pregnant when we found out that our baby was struggling. We had an ultrasound tech actually use the word "catastrophic" in reference to the potential problems. Typically, the edema and fluid on the lungs is a sign that the baby has a devastating anamoly - genetic or structural - and is NOT going to make it. It looks like we are going to be EXTRAORDINARILY fortunate and have faced down incredible odds. Babies with this have a 2-50% survival rate depending on the underlying cause. That means more than HALF don't make it.

I can NOT imagine ending a pregnancy that I wanted, especially when you are half way there. But what I can NOT imagine even more than that is being told I have NO CHOICE but to carry to term & deliver a child that is dead or who will die shortly after delivery. Many woman choose that route. Others do not, finding it to be severely emotionally traumatizing. How about this? Let's let the women actually faced with the decision, in consultation with their doctors, decide!

I am not 100% sure what I would have decided if I had to make a decision. Thank goodness I did not have to go there. However, I do know the important thing to me and my psychological health was that I had a choice. I could decide. Either way. I always believed in my convictions before being put to this test. Now, I even more firmly believe that no one can make that decision for anyone else. It is so personal and so difficult that is makes it impossible to be absolutist.

Life Is Good & Alessandro Ghidini is my favorite person on the planet...

The fluid is gone!!!!! I just got back from the follow-up sonogram and there were two perfect lungs. Dr. Ghidini indicates that once this resolves it doesn't reappear. Can you say RELIEF? The skin swelling is all gone. The lungs are totally clear. He looks healthy and kicked the hell out of the sonogram probe (I think he was thinking last time a needle poked me after I felt that thing). There is a small pocket of fluid in the belly but that is usually the last to resolve he says and should be gone by the follow-up.

I was SOOOOO Nervous today before the appointment. When asked how I am I am typically a "fine" "doing well" kind of responder. Well, when they asked me today I fessed up to being so nervous I thought I might throw up. I had tears in my eyes before he even put the jelly on my belly! Then I hear "I see lungs" and I say, "LUNGS as in 2" and he says, "Yes, two beautiful lungs!" I was bawling. I couldn't speak. The Doc very funny "where's my stoic mom? This is good news!" I was able to say Thank you and I love you I think. Love love love Dr. Ghindini. He has been a rock through this procedure and he even said I was a great mom/patient. Usually (as we suspected) moms are a bit more freaked out --- understandably so. I tried and was for the most part very zen. Yoga breathing, not stressing, asking good questions but not overly anxious. I figured what good will it do for me to totally freak out? Ok on the inside, I was freaking out.

I don't really believe in miracles ... so I am chalking this up to a miracle assisted by a couple of medical interventions. I go back in 2 weeks for measurements and to make sure everything is as it should be but he said to expect a totally normal outcome!

I am in shock. Happy shock, but shock. We've gone from fatalistic, to measured hope, to pretty much damn we are going to have to get ready for this baby! Thank you to every single one of you who has counseled, listened, hugged, and sent positive vibes our way. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in 6 weeks and 4 days!

Today I am Nervous...

I don't know why (well that's a lie) but the closer I get to sonogram appointments the more anxious and frayed I get. I manage well for most of the time when its off in the distance - a week or more away. Even 3 days + I am ok. Then it gets to be the day before and then the day of and I get very worked up. And the harder I try to be calm, the less calm I am. I am sure it is the lack of control and the not knowing what we'll see that is making me crazy, but it is MAKING ME CRAZY.

I get crabby. I get busy. I try to do too much. To distract myself. I worry. I know that nothing I do can change what we will see ... either more fluid, less fluid, no fluid. It is a balancing act because I want to be prepared for the worst but even when you tell yourself not to hope for total resolution you have that glimmer of hope that they ultrasound will show its all gone! You don't want to hope for that, because you don't want to be disappointed, but in reality you can't help but hope.

This kid is the greatest test of my life. The thing I can't believe is that every break so far is going in our direction. That too has to give us hope. My OB yesterday said at the next appointment in 3 weeks (November 21) we'll schedule my c-section for 38 weeks. As if scheduling it can make it so! She's very into the power of positive thinking. We talked - our appointments are more like counseling sessions now than OB appointments. So she comes in after everything is looking ok - BP is fine, weight is good, measurements are good - and sits and says, "Talk to me." So I talk. She listens. She tells me I am absolutely right to be scared to death but also to have hope. Because there are so many things pointing to the fact that this kid is strong and that he's fighting and that whatever is wrong its not structural, its not chromosomal, its not infectious.

I can't give up. Not just yet. 25 weeks, 4 days ... and COUNTING.

Us in STJ

Let the Appointments Resume...

Today at 10:30 am I have my routine 6 month ob appointment. Measure the bump, pee in a cup, take the blood pressure, and generally make sure MOM is relatively healthy.

Tomorrow at lunchtime I am squeezing in a back massage --- Thank you Jenny for fitting me in --- to hopefully give my back some relief. I am not an s-curve today but its still pretty pinched.

Tomorrow at 2 pm we go in for our fluid check-up/sonogram. I sound like a used car going in for an oil change. If the check is good ... we're done for now (for like a week). If little man has more fluid on the lung then we are back to the hospital Friday morning for another thoracocentesis.

Let the games begin again.........

I am in love!

Ok, no its not the hubby...or the girl...or the baby to be. I love them all. But I have found the new love of my life.

The belly bra. When you are pregnant and have a bad lower back you think nothing will help. Well after a weekend of suffering I decided to put it on just to see if it would help. It didn't heal me like a miracle or anything but it sure helps! I love it! You too can own one ... find it at target!

Happy Halloween!

Should it not be criminal to be this CUTE!?

Lovin' the new sofa...Hating Ultrasound Associates

The new furniture has arrived. Delivery time: 11am - 3pm. They actually showed at 11am! WHO HOOO! Who knew that deliveries could actually come as scheduled. Anyway, the guys were great and did a great job of getting everything in and together. New dining set looks great. Love the sofa! I see lots of races to get to the wedge chaise portion FIRST!

This is kind of an odd week as we don't have a bunch of doctor's appointments and things to deal with. I guess just moving in the right direction is good right?

I did have the pleasure of discussing denied insurance claims this morning with BC/BS. Seems they are a bit confused and their "SYSTEM" won't allow them to process two claims for the same procedure (even though it was two different providers) on the same day. So day 1 of this ordeal when we went for the horrid ultrasound and then were immediately sent for a follow-up that same afternoon they thought "duplicate claim" let's just deny one. So I get a $485 bill from the lovely folks at Ultrasound Associates who as those who have been keeping up will remember handled the situation so gracefully in the beginning! NOT! Anyway, it seems all I have to do is file an appeal, but seriously ... why? Why, when I just explained it do I have to appeal it? And why does it take 10 minutes and pressing of 100 digits to get a human being?

There a little vent and I feel better...

Baby's Ipod Music Mix

Music, I find, can be very healing & can bring peace when most nothing else will. So I've made a baby ipod mix. Some are sad, some are hopeful, some make me cry, some make me smile. Kind of sums up the emotions I have been feeling for the last 5 weeks and counting...

Grace - Kate Havensvick
Answer - Sarah McLachlan
Baby - DMB
Blackbird - Sarah McLachlan version of the Beetles song
Broken - Jack Johnson
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol (thanks Mari) Grey's Anatomy 2nd Season soundtrack
Cocoon - Jack Johnson
F-Stop Blues - Jack Johnson
Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan
Love's Recovery - Indigo Girls
Not Going Anywhere
Out of My Hands - DMB
Riverwide - Sheryl Crow
So Damn Lucky - DMB
Surround Me - James Taylor's kid, Ben
The Cove - Jack Johnson
The Long Day is Over - Norah Jones
The Nearness of You - Norah Jones
Why Worry - Dire Straights
Wonderful - India Arie

A minor complaint...

I know in the grand scheme of things this is MINOR ... but what what what is with the indigestion. I have gotten used to the night time recurrent version. Propping yourself up on pillows does help. But today I have it even sitting up!

We are on a roll...

Cleaning ladies were here today. The house is all lovely and sparkling clean. I love them. (I know uppity & indulgent but I am pregnant and can't do the stuff I normally do so clean sheets and vacuuming are so nice when someone else did the work!)

Went to Benjamin Moore this morning at 7am - me and a bunch of contractor dudes getting paint.

Lined up a friend to come help daddy move furniture tomorrow night so we have room for the new stuff.

Johanna is taking the white cabinet!

Martin the painter is coming Friday morning to paint our master bedroom and the girls new room - that way we won't be in the house over the weekend with the funk!

that's all.....

Gramma & the Girl

Here's a shot of gramma and the girl at the pumpkin patch. Aren't they so cute?

Steroid Injections Hurt

I had my 2nd steroid injection this morning to stimulate lung development. No more docs for one week. WHO HOO. I love all of my docs but I am getting tired of seeing them and I am sure they have other patients.

I am optimistic. Things are looking up. I am keeping my hopes in check but am hopeful.

We are having the girlie's new room painted this week - she & I decided on Odessa Pink - a lovely shade of pale rosey pink. I also FINALLY picked a color for our master bedroom - Soft Sand. A sandy color with a hint of pink. I figured a bit more versatile then green and a little less boring than having a 3rd BLUE room though I was tempted. Baby's room will stay yellow and won't be assembled until we are closer to the due date.

Dr. J-C said today that 30 weeks is the magic number. Babies can make it from 24 weeks on - not all but many do make it - but after 30 weeks your chances at good health are much better. That's less than 6 weeks from now so baby-to-be and I will try to behave ourselves. It is very hard for me to slow down. There is always so much to do it seems and with the 4 year old you can only rest so much. Hubby is totally stepping up but still its hard to just not do stuff for myself. I don't know how mama's on bedrest do it. I would lose my mind.

That's about it for now. We are heading out of town this weekend for W&M homecoming and a visit to gramma's house. Hopefully, just relaxing and passing the time. Next week Wednesday OB visit and Thursday another look at the baby via sonogram to see how things are going in there.

Baby Check-up

Post-Thoracocentesis check looked pretty good. We have two inflated lungs, which is a huge relief. There is a little fluid that seems to be re-accumulating on the left lung but much less than was there. Never have we gone for a sonogram and seen most of the left lung inflated so it was a very welcome sight! They also re-checked him for anemia and tested for a very rare but sometimes related syndrome (Noonan's) - ALL turns out to be negative. Everything is pointing toward he just doesn't quite have the hang of clearing this lymph fluid yet. But signs look hopeful that he is learning how to do so. its entirely possible they will never know exactly why this is happening.

Baby boy is now 1 lb, 14 oz.

The other thing they did today was a steroid injection to stimulate lung development. Just another helping hand if the baby does come early. Apparently it improves their odds at least 50%. I did one shot today and will do one more tomorrow.

Next on the schedule for me is a follow-up next Thursday, Nov 2 to check the fluid and they have preemptively scheduled me for a 3rd thoracocentesis on Friday, November 3rd IF they need it. I am hopeful they won't!

Thoracocentesis #2

Yesterday went well. There was actually less fluid in the chest before the procedure than had been there at the previous week's follow-up sonogram, so we all took that as a good sign. Hubby is our layperson guide because he has some eerie ability to see and understand that black and white fuzzy sideways image. Oh, and also to remember. He mentioned to the doctor that it looked like less. The doc looked at the measurements to double-check but confirmed that yes, hubby was right. I thought they were gonna have him scrub in.

Still the fluid was there and it was compressing the left lung so they proceeded as planned to get the fluid out. Since I didn't even have mild sedation I remember it much more clearly than round 1. And no, it is not a comfortable procedure but it isn't horrible. If it wasn't such a crazy thing & happening to me personally it would be really interesting. So it was decided to not use an OR cause the labor and delivery floor was out of control. They did the procedure right there in the room. I thought they were just checking me out and the next thing I know I see a tray full of implements. I will say again, I love my perinatalogist. He is funny and human but extremely competent and in control. Exactly what you hope for when you are about to get poked through the uterus with no sedation. They did give me a percocet and a shot of lidocain. Still, as he said ... nothing local will numb the uterus, sorry. Still, it is amazing what a mom will go through for her kid. For my personal sake, I'd have been freaking out but since I know it was for him ... I just went very zen. Even when the needle got stuck on a rib (we think). This may seem to mean the doc doesn't know what he's doing but no .. think about it .. the kids chest cavity is probably 5-6 inches circumference. The ribs are tiny but very close together and how do you get in there without going through the ribs...you don't. Anyway he got in and drained the fluid. Hubby was right. They took about 15 ccs of fluid this time. They had removed 35 ccs the first time.

They kept me in observation for about 4 hours looking for contractions in me or distress in the baby and we were both perfect patients. We go on Monday for follow-up to see if the fluid is back and if it is more or less. Dr. G also said the general edema under the baby's skins has almost completely resolved. Another good sign. I am actually feeling that is it possible that the baby may be figuring out how to do what its supposed to do with this fluid and we have a shot at resolution. Of course, we just have to keep waiting and watching.

Pirate Girl

The girl doing her best pirate impersonation. I don't think anyone is going to be scared into handing over their treasure, do you?

STJ is not meant to be for 2006

So we made the decision to cancel/postpone the trip slated for November 11-18, 2006 to St. John. Yes, that's me waving GOOD BYE to the beautiful island of STJ for '06. But its all for a good cause.

There is just so much going on & the prospect of being on a remote island far from my doctors is just not appealing. I am seeing a doctor (or two) at least once a week at this point and really in the grand scheme its not worth any risk. St. John will be there for me when I need it. Right now I need to be here. Close to Dr. G & Dr. J-C.

Car rental - Canceled, no penalty --- Thank you Carment at Conrad Sutton!

House rental - Postponed, no penalty though they could have kept our $1500 deposit. They will hold the deposit until we re-book when we know when we want to re-book --- Thank you Lori of Destination St. John!

Airfare - Canceled with miles redeposited, $50 per ticket. Better than kissing 120,000 worth of skymiles good bye. (We now have 230,000 skymiles --- trip to India anyone). Thank you a little bit Delta.

Our plan for now is wait and see how things turn out with the baby boy. Perhaps we'll make a trip in the late Spring early summer or maybe we'll just really save ourselves and go nuts and go for Thanksgiving or something next in 2007. There is no question that we will return, the only question is when.

Is it wrong to love your perinatologist?

Yesterday was a better day. Amazingly it is not because the status is better or has really changed much, it is simply because I saw Dr. Ghidini. The man has a way with words that just puts me at ease.

My mama came to town to join me as the timing didn't allow for little girl pick-up and both parents being at the appointment. I thought it was a nice gesture of my mom, but it was far more than that. I think I am so tough, but really having her there for even a simple non-invasive sonogram was very reassuring. I just can't believe how she & so many of our friends have really stepped up for us. THANK YOU!

Anyway, we asked a lot of questions and got some reassurance that the approach we are taking is just as it should be. I was fearful we were losing valuable time/not being aggressive enough. He really put my mind at ease that we were on the right track and taking the correct approach. Starting as least invasively as we can and then taking it up a notch if necessary. I was very concerned over a conversation I had with the other doctor a while back that I misinterpreted. MY understanding was that 22-24 weeks was critical for lung development. I am 23w, 2d. Yes, we are counting days now. So my thought was if we miss this window we are doomed. Well, the way Dr. G explained it was that 22-24 weeks is when lung development begins. So YES it is important for us to try to resolve this but its not like all hope is lost if by 24 weeks we haven't fixed the problem. Whew. That is a load off of my mind.

He sees a lot that is encouraging. For example, the baby's heart is great. The baby's movements are great & very active. Baby is breathing the amniotic fluid. Behaving exactly as should be EXCEPT for the damn fluid.

Yesterday's appt was primarily to check the fluid to determine if it was stable enough to wait until Thursday for drain #2. It was. The lung still has fluid on it and there is a bit in the abdomen and it is starting to minorly affect the other lung, but not severely. So it was decided to do another drain on Thursday. It can take up to 3 drains for this to resolve. If it doesn't resolve after this drain we are going to start thinking seriously about shunting.

If we go in that direction, I would most likely be referred to CHOP - Children's Hospital of Philadelphia - for the placement of the shunt. But we won't move in the direction of even making that decision until at the earliest Monday when we see the result of the 2nd tap. If we do have to go there, we talked to our good friend and pediatrician and he says that CHOP is the best Children's hospital in the US. VERY reassuring. We all hope we don't have to go there. However, if we do it is nice to know it is the best.

Also, starting next week I will get steroid injections for the baby to help with lung (and all organ) maturation. Since preterm, premie delivery is often a complication with this and because I am getting very close to the realm of viability on the outside for this little one it is good to do everything we can to help him out. Again, our pediatrician says to not do the shots would just be crazy. So again I feel better about that!

Wish us luck. I am feeling hopeful today. At a minimum I know we are doing everything in our power to improve the odds for our outcome. We are doing everything we can for this sweet, tough baby boy who deserves no less. What is meant to be will for sure be. No matter what that is to be is not for me to decide. I just know that I will never regret doing everything I can to improve the odds and give him a fair shot.

Oh and we are skipping anesthesia this time in hopes that I won't be puking for 10 hours the next day!

Busy Weekend

Well we had a busy and productive weekend! We went to Richmond Saturday afternoon and stayed until late in the night for Maggie's birthday. She is 13! She was born when I was a sophomore in college. Now I really feel OLD! Hanging around 10 12-13 year olds is quite the eye opener. It was a fun time though & as always great food at the Godmother's home!

Yesterday we got up and headed out to the Renaissance Festival in Maryland. I had only been one time before and wasn't all that gung ho, though I knew the girl and her dad would enjoy it. We joined our good friends, KK and her hubby, there and had a great time. We ended up staying from 10:30 am until almost 5 pm! Needless to say, we were all pretty tired.

Today I am dragging my tail a bit. I would love to be SLEEPING right now. I am working until 3ish and then off to the doctor...again.

Baby Boy

For those of you following the saga ... I thought I would treat you to a picture. Even the doc said he's a beautiful boy. For now we are just waiting for Monday and the next procedure or two. I am constantly second guessing myself but I think it is smart to go this route and then consider a shunt if the fluid doesn't resolve itself.

Like I said the doc did say it can take up to 3 procedures for this to resolve, if & that's a big IF I think, if its going to resolve. My OB is a bit concerned because of the risk of infection and after three procedures she says she'd be hesitant to just keep poking. Then we have to seriously think about the pros and cons of a shunt.

Pro: Could keep the fluid out of the lung continuously

Con: Difficult to place, could result in an immediate crisis (i.e. death) for the baby & possibly infection in me.

It may be our only shot though. So I am thinking ... A LOT. So much that I wish my brain would shut down and google would go off line!

Not the best news....

Well it is not what we hoped for but pretty much what we expected. The fluid pressing on the baby's left lung is back. Every bit as much as before. Makes me kind of wonder why they drained it at all, except maybe the hope that it would stay gone. They say it could take up to 3 drains. Still, I worry because now we are in the lung development phase. What if the baby's lung just doesn't develop? Fortunately the right lung looks good. The heart looks good.

So what's next. Another sonogram Monday. If it is stable, we wait until Thursday for another thoracentesis. If it is not stable, i.e. more fluid, they will do an immediate thorocentesis on Monday afternoon. So more waiting .... till 3:30 Monday at least.

Wish us luck...

Tomorrow we find out if by some miracle this baby problem has been resolved. Wish us luck. 10:45 am. About 12 hours or so. Can you tell I am growing anxious and impatient?

Waiting...

So just two more days until we go and find out how the baby is doing. From my perpective baby is still very active and seems to be doing well. However, I want to see the ultrasound and know one way or another what is going on. I think this is all a lesson in patience for me. Never my strong suit, this experience has tested my patience like NO other.

I am also getting just slightly bitter over little things. Like I've had let's count them - 7 sonograms - the Pediatric Cardiologist alone took over 60 images - and I have NOT a single b&w of this baby. Yes, I understand this is petty and not a huge deal and I am trying to keep my chin up but I can't help but feel a little cheated. This is supposed to be a happy and joyous time. The calm before the storm. The time to make your husband wait on you hand and foot because you can. I am telling you all the fun of that is totally removed when you NEED your husband to wait on you hand and foot.

I ended up having a MISERABLE Wednesday after the smooth procedure last Tuesday. I felt great the rest of Tuesday, kept off my feet, rested, ate well, slept well. Woke up Wednesday morning feeling like I was going through detox. Now I know why addicts are addicts - well at least some of them - its not because they LOVE the drugs, its because the withdrawl is so horrible. I had one i/v of narcotics & sedation for the procedure followed by an entire day, from about 9 am until at least 10 pm of horrible headache and puking. Next time (if there is a next time) I say just do the procedure, forget the sedation. I was fine without it for the amnio. I mean no its not comfortable and yes this is a little more than an amnio, but 3 minutes of discomfort - even if somewhat significant - is far better in my opinion than 12 hours of feeling like I want to die.

I think most people are a bit more easily freaked out than I am and perhaps have a lower threshold for pain. I mean, I was totally calm, asked for the MINIMUM possible dose because I know how loopy it can make me & was collected and asking questions during the procedure. The docs humored me and seemed very happy to endulge my questions like "Is that the lung that just inflated?" "Is that is, are you done?" "Did you get all the fluid?" "What does it look like?" Immediately before the procedure, Dr. G had told me that he hoped the fluid would be Chyle and that it had a distinct look to it. They would have to test it of course to confirm but that he would know pretty much right away whether it was possible or not. Hence my questions.

I think we are consistently surprising them with our composure and our questions. Don't get me wrong I don't feel so composed sometimes but I think some people when faced with something like this simply can't cope. At first, my worst fear was just that. And at first, I admit I did just want to crawl in a hole until it was over. That lasted for 3 days. The 3 days between the very first indication of a problem and when we went back for the test results. The 3 longest days of my life. Still, since then, though hard, very very hard at times, I think I've pretty much pulled it together. I still cry. I worry constantly. And, yes, I feel a bit cheated. But in the long run, if we can get through this none of that will matter. If we can just get to the other side, I know I will be fine.

More Pictures from the Beach

This is the girl on the beach. Could she be any happier?


















Gramma, the girl & Mama. Just chilling out on the boardwalk after a day of Neptune Festing.















After the request "Daddy, BURY me in the sand please"




















And just one shot from Busch Gardens - it was all decorated for Halloween.

Chylothorax

Ever heard of it? Me neither. Well, it turns out that is what was in the baby's chest and it also turns out that is a good thing. The best of possible scenerios for now. We will learn more on Wednesday. Still not a great thing but of all the things that they could have pulled out it appears this is what you hope for.

The Baby

I am home now from my procedure this morning, have to stay off my feet for at least 24 hours and they recommend I not work until Friday. The procedure went smoothly. Baby tolerated it very well. Fluid looks like what they hoped it would which is indicative of a lymphatic drainage issue which is treatable. They are testing it to be sure that is what it is. It is the best case scenario we can hope for at this point.

The Baby's lung inflated right away and the doc was happy to see that. He seemed very positive. If it is this is it likely I will have to go in repeatedly (every week or two) for the same procedure to keep the fluid out as much as possible if it reaccumulates.

We feel very positive at the moment. On the upswing. Its still a rare, complicated and dangerous thing and we know that, but knowing that all the terrible things it could be are being ruled out and this is a treatable possibility is very encouraging.

Also the full amnio panel came back totally normal. So that is reassuring as well.

Next on tap ... Wednesday of next week we go back to Dr. G to see how the lung is doing with another sonogram & I go to Dr. J-C for my routine 5 month check-up. Yep, I am 5 months along now.