Report Card Time

The girl recently got her 3rd quarter report card. Kindergartners, at least in Fairfax County, are ranked from 1 - 5 in various areas of development, including language arts, reading, writing, and math. I am happy to report she's an all 4s, meets end of Kindergarten expectations (3/4s of the way through I might add), and 5s, exceeds kindergarten expectations, girl. At the midpoint we had a few 3s, basically meaning at that point she was on track to eventually meet the kindgergarten expectations. SHA! As if! Like she's average! In an area or two. I was happy to see all of those were now 4s or even 5s!

I was more than a little surprised that one of her 5s was in writing. I would have guessed math, but not writing as she is notoriously against it in concept. "You do it, mom!" She writes, but not really in a way most people would consider exceeding expectations but I guess in kindergarten these things are all relative. I don't recall learning anything other than my ABC's in kindergarten. Well, my ABC's and that one little boy in my class would have preferred to have been born a little girl.

I digress...

I am proud. Just for the record, she is not perfect. In the comments section, after what a pleasure she is to have in class and other glowing words, we have "Ella is very insightful (all me, baby) blah blah blah and Ella still struggles with her focus" (all dad)! The man can say what he wants but I know for a fact he is incapable of watching tv and putting on his shoes at the same time. And for the record, struggling with focus equates to her feeling like she couldn't care less about said topic and no I am not going to even pretend to be interested because I either already know how to do that or I don't care to ever know how to do that. Sound like anyone?

MONO

First Pneumonia, now the girl has Mono. It all makes sense now. Really there is not much you can do about mono except lots of fluids, lots of rest and lots of waiting. The fever should be gone within a few days and then she can go back to school. Its been a week! As long as she's not smooching anyone or otherwise swapping spit, she is NOT contagious. Dr. G informed her that it is the "kissing disease" and we both want to know who she's been kissing!

Tonight before bed she came in to tell me good night and gave me a big hug and then gave me a mournful look before saying, "mama I am gonna miss kissing you!" As if we'll never smooch again.

As for me, I am not anemic and my sonogram today was largely (thank goodness) unremarkable. A few small cysts and a small fibroid. She even checked my kidneys! The tech at Ultrasound Associates was VERY nice to me and I could tell she was a bit on eggshells as my last visit didn't go well. I could tell she had reviewed my record when she coyly tried to pry without prying by asking, "how old is your youngest now?" For those needing a translation that was her way of finding out if Max survived what they called catastophic to me to my 18 week pregnant face. Not a good memory.

Now, I am thinking I might have mono ... hmmmmmmmmm. I am pretty convinced I have found the cause of hypocondria. Parenthood. I have always been responsible and on top of things, but I never considered myself a worrier before I had a kid. Now it seems like its all I do.

I do have an appointment with a regular doctor in about a week. I can't believe my girl has the kissin disease!

I will depart with one more Ella-ism from our car ride to the doctor today.
Her: Mama, what is the shell of an ant called again?
Me: Um, uh, mmm, I don't know
Her: Exoskeleton, right?

Yes, she was just testing me. She knew damn well what the answer was!

Added because so many people have asked:

Mononucleosis typically occurs the first time a person is infected with Epstein-Barr virus. Once a person is infected, the virus remains alive in the body for the rest of his or her life. After the initial infection, it rarely produces any kind of illness, but it can be transmitted to others. The initial infection with Epstein-Barr virus does not always cause mononucleosis. It often causes only a mild illness, like a cold, or no illness at all. Epstein-Barr virus permanently infects more than 90% of the people on Earth, but it causes mononucleosis only in a small minority of them.

Mononucleosis usually goes away on its own, and most treatment focuses on making the person more comfortable. Because there is no medical cure for mononucleosis, the basic treatment plan usually calls for getting plenty of rest and fluids and treating any uncomfortable symptoms. For example, cold drinks, frozen desserts and gargling with salt water can help to relieve minor sore throat pain. Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin and others) or acetaminophen (Tylenol) can be taken to fight fever and body aches.

Sick Days

Got the call yesterday at about 10 am that Ella was not feeling well. Chills, complaining of pain in her legs, head and eyes. Her temperature at the time as 96.1. By the time I got there from work it was 101.7. Here we go again. It was less than a month ago that we were at Disney and she was down for the count with something viral. Because she was complaining about her throat I decided to take her to the doc as strep throat has been going around her school. Negative. The doc said she had seen 5 cases just yesterday with the same symptoms and it seems to be lasting about 3-5 days. YAY!

We had planned to take a 1/2 day today and load up the kids and head to gramma's. That will have to be postponed. She is very sad about that. The fever seems to subside with motrin but its come and gone 3 times now so I am never quite sure if its really gone or just temporarily under control because of meds. I will say we've always been a tylenol kind of family but motrin really works and works fast. Within 20 minutes of taking a dose she looks and feels considerably better.

She woke up at about 4am sweating and feeling like crap and was up until about 7 when she fell back asleep until about 9. She's not hungry, doesn't want to drink - I offered milk shakes, slurpees, popcicles, everything - no dice. She's just sipping water and resting with PBS. Thank goodness for all day childrens programming.

Summer Plans

I am beginning to realize I was delusional when I thought life would be easier and cheaper when Ella started school full-time. The daycare expense would go away and she'd be in all day kindergarten for goodness sake!

Well, not so much. We have decided that Ella will not be going to the same place she goes for Afterschool care for the summer! While fine for 1-1.5 hours a day, we are not so sure its fine for an entire summer. More importantly, it would offer no break for her from her routine really and that just seems boring!

This means I have been researching a myriad of Summer Camp options. They range from about $200 a week to well over $700! UNREAL. Now I am not one to short change a girl for a few bucks, but lets be real - its SUMMER CAMP not the Governor's School! And no, none are sleep away options (I checked)! These are all day camps, some of which require you to provide their lunch and snacks!

Anyway, it turns out the county runs some fairly good ones for a reasonable price. We will need to pack lunch but at least that way we know she'll eat!

The tentative plan:

June 23-July 3 Nature Camp
July 7 - July 18 Drama Camp
July 21 - August 1 Girls Sports Camp (includes swim lessons)
August 4-15 No clue!!! Anyone want to babysit!
August 18-22 Cyber Camp
August 23-31 Hopefully we'll be in the OBX

For the 2008/2009 school year, I am still trying to get her into the School based afterschool child care through the county. She's been on the waitlist since JANUARY of 2007!!! That's right 9 months before she started Kindergarten. She started at #63 and is now 16 months later #18! The program is supposed to be great but her school only has 30 slots. Maybe by the 3rd grade she'll get in. I should put Max on the list NOW!

A Picture so cute it deserves its own post

Updates

Sorry its been a while. We've been busy busy busy.

In no particular order here are the goings on:

1 - We are having the hardwood in our house refinished. We had decided to let it stay wrecked until Butter (the dog) died, but we realized she's still acting like she's about 2 and is unlikely to die anytime soon and that the floor finish in the first place wasn't the best and perhaps with a better, i.e. thicker, finish it might withstand the kids and dog at least for a little while. All in all I was tired of the floor looking like crap!

2 - We've been back and forth with Max to the doctor. I am not sure what's going on with him. He is on singulair and there are lots of reports of not so great side effects with it. Today we go back for his 1 year check-up (yes we are about a month late).

3 - Ella finished her swim class! Yay, Ella!

4 - The nephew comes home from College for "Spring" break this weekend. It will be nice to have him around. I need to stock the fridge.

5 - We head to disney 2 weeks from Saturday.

6 - We owed the Feds almost $1900 in taxes. Me thinks this has something to do with the w-2 from hubby's brother that had NO federal withholding! Thankfully we are getting over $1200 back from VA so a loss of around $600 and I could pay with Amex so...I get miles!

7 - Speaking of, Hung has changed jobs. He is now back working for his bro's company full-time, consulting for the gov't again. So far so good. He's back on the contact that he left about 18 months ago - apparently they've been asking for him to come back for about 6 months.

That's all folks!

Ella's Version of Love

Me: "What do you think is an example of love?"

Ella: "When Daddy gets lots of extra gas to put in your car."

Me: "How do you know that Mommy and Daddy love you?"

Ella: "Because you tell me to eat healfy (healthy) and to eat lots of protein and because you want me to have meat on my bones. "

pause....

Ella: "Mama, what's meat on my bones?"

P-Neumonia!

So it turns out my little lovebug (Ella) has pneumonia. She's been complaining on and off for probably a good month that either 1) her head hurt, 2) her tummy hurt, 3) she's tooo tired. Usually these complaints come in conjunction with getting up and ready for school. SO I thought, she like me has an aversion to winter and just wants to hibernate. Actually, she said to me one day she thought that we should just hibernate like bears or move to St. John where it is always warm. I can't argue with her on either point!

Anyway, first she had a bug - threw up and basically feverish (about a month ago). Then she just seemed to have a cold. Runny nose this week, cough the next. The same thing that everyone around here seems to be fighting!

Well, we get two steps toward the bus stop yesterday and she says "Mama, my tummy hurts." Mama said Uncle! I was able to get in with Dr. G at 10:30 and upon looking at her he declared she's got a touch of pneumonia. BAD MAMA!

To look at her you would not have much of a clue and even he said she is a trooper. I just feel bad about the tummy ache she's had for a while now. She's home from school yesterday and today just to rest up. Rest really is the best medicine. Hopefully, she'll be back in the swing of things next week.

Happy New Year!

I can't believe 2007 is over, done, finito, finished! Wow, the biggest change for us in 2007 was the addition of our handsome little man, Max. After the insane highs and lows of my pregnancy with him, I can't believe he is here and healthy and almost 1! I am already telling people that even when they start to notice he's not a baby anymore that they are to shut it. I don't want to hear it. He's going to be my baby forever.

It is so different with the 2ND kid. With Ella I worried about everything. Don't get me wrong, I still worry about Max, but it is different. I have confidence. I know that if I do something wrong he won't be scarred for life. I know that kids are way more resilient than you think!

So a year ago, I was way preggers with a 4.5 year old who was still gloriously untarnished by school! Now I have an almost 1 year old who is THISCLOSE to walking and a girl who is half way through kindergarten. We had a great year. The highlights of course being Max's birth and homecoming, Ella going to school and our trip to St. John!

I am working hard to get back there sooner rather than later. I'll be heading to San Diego on Saturday. The whole family will be going to Orlando/Disney in March. That is as far as we've managed to plan. Our only goals are to enjoy ourselves and each other and to try to be healthy and active in 2008! I am going to try to enjoy the last throes of infancy that will grace our home. Knowing he is our last makes it bittersweet, though definitely more sweet than bitter.

Happy New Year! Have a great 2008! Nuzzle your babies more, Kiss the hubby often and keep those you love near!

Christmas Kids...Big & Small

A few pictures from the Christmas Festivities...

Happy Christmas

We made it to see Santa today! Now if only I could finish up my shopping.

Ella's Christmas List

She started out asking for a penguin and a wish box. What the heck is a wish box?, you ask. It is a box that you put your wishes in at night and in the morning they come true. She's a GENIUS. That's like asking the magic genie for 1000 more wishes. Where do you get a wish box you may ask. Well, according to Ella, "from Santa silly!"

But today she changed course. I told her the we would probably go tomorrow morning to visit Santa. Here is how our conversation went.

Ella: "Mama I don't need to go see Santa."

Me: "Well how will he know what you want?"

Ella: "Mama I'll take whatever that guy wants to give me!"

I am NOT making this up. She also gave me the chocolate out of her Advent calendar this morning. I do not think she is a normal kid. I know she is a better person than I am!

We have returned

Here are Ella & Max at Island Blues on the east end of St. John. We are all back, we are all in one piece. Flip-Flop mom is sifting through the mountain of laundry and crap that we returned with ... but its all ok. Our 10 day trip to STJ was a success & I can't wait to go back. I am thinking June '09.

A Halloween First

We were invited to the neighborhood next to ours this evening to trick or treat and come to an open house. Ella catches the bus every morning at this neighborhood. As we live right on a main road, not very trick or treat conducive, we were grateful and happy to take a quick 3 minute walk down there to trick or treat and socialize. Ella was so excited to see her friends & we were happy to take her to a safe, familiar and close environment. A godsend as we had our 9 month old Monkey with us as well.

We set out at about 6:30 with Ella and baby Max. EVERYONE in the community was unbelievably nice with one exception. At one house, Ella was asked at the door if she lived in the neighborhood. She was honest and said "no I live on X Road but I catch the bus here with my friends, Emily and Beth." To which the woman said, "I only give out candy to kids who live in this neighborhood." Our daughter didn't understand her and looked to us, we were dumbfounded. We attempted to explain that she catches the bus at this neighborhood and was invited by friends there to come for Halloween. To which was repeated, more harshly, "I only give candy to children who live here!"

This is so not about the candy. Anyone who knows Ella knows she would have given her entire bucket of candy away to anyone who asked for it. As Ella and I walked away from the house, my tough little cookie was virtually in tears. She turned to me and said "Why was the lunch lady so mean to me?" The woman who had just turned Ella away works in the cafeteria at her school! I quickly tried to change her focus, so that she (unlike me) would not dwell. I absolutely understand this woman's right to distribute candy to whomever she desires, but it troubles me that someone who would intentionally be cruel to my child works at her school.

I tried to explain to Ella but honestly was at a complete loss for words. She went from a delightful, proud little girl having a great Halloween to deflated and really genuinely hurt. She repeated to me several times "Mom, I was not mean to her." and "Mom, I said Trick or treat." She very much felt it was her fault and that she had done something wrong. I felt horrible because I SURELY would not have let her go to that house had I known she would receive that reception. I could even understand if she were a much older child or making a 2nd pass through.

I know I am dwelling too much, but it does concern me that someone who works with children could be so cruel to them on an evening that is really geared toward them. I get not wanting to deal with the trick or treater thing, but selectively discriminating against a 5 year old just seems crazy. I am hopeful that she was having a bad day and children aren't routinely treated in this manner by her at school.

Sorry I just needed to vent! Ella is an inclusive, loving child and I had hoped, probably completely naively, hoped that a similar attitude is fostered by everyone who she comes into contact with, especially at her school.

I so so so wish I wasn't out of eggs. I am kidding. Maybe. Actually I have never wanted to punch a woman so badly, but I knew that would be inappropriate. At least in front of my children.

The rest of the evening was awesome. We ended at the home of our bus stop friends who were hosting an open house. They were mortified by the lunch lady's behavior. A slice of pumpkin and cream cheese cake and a cup of hot cider later we all felt much better. All in all, Ella had a great night and made a beautiful Cleopatra.

Cleopatra

Only my daughter, with no prompting from me, decided she wanted to be Cleopatra for halloween. "Why?" I asked. Ella, "Because she's the queen of Egypt, mom." I did the best I could. This is the trial run for a pre-Halloween party.

I really tried to convince Hung to put on a white tunic and go as her manservant.

Oh and she also explained to her dad and I that the things that you put in the ground to play croquet are called wickets. We googled. She was right.

Memories...

As Max starts learning to make new sounds (current favs being GA and BA), in the corners of my mind I am remembering some of Ella's early words. One of her very first words, along with mama, dada, and gram, was fluer (flower but she really pronounced it like fluer - Fluuuuu-er).

And for Butterfly, she would say Flutterby. I thought that made a lot of sense.

What about your dad, mom?

This is a question I am getting more and more often from Ella lately. I resist the temptation to lie and say he's dead. That's not fair to her. I also resist the temptation to tell her the whole truth and risk scaring her. So, I just say that he's alive, but that I don't know him at all. That he chose to not be a part of my life when I was a little girl so he lost the opportunity to know me and therefore to know her and Max.

My father is someone that the older I get the less I understand. He abandoned our family when I was about 3 and 1/2, my brother was almost 7. It was Christmas of 1977. He was a man full of rage, bad choices, alcohol and a pathetic lack of responsibility. Collection of child support ($50/week) or getting him to own up to his legal responsiblity to provide healthcare always was a battle, usually involving long waits and court hearings, until finally my mother just gave up. I really REALLY thought that as I got older I might understand. Maybe when I had kids, it would make sense & I would see how something like that could happen.

I will admit when Ella was born, it was hard for me, it made my core ache to see my husband, her father, being so tender with her. Even then I would question. Its easy now, she's just a tiny baby. But over the years, 5 so far, I have watched their relationship grow. I have seen a man, ill equipped by nature to deal with a little girl, wipe away tears, scoop her up in excitement, whipser sweet things in her ear, diaper her, read her bedtimes stories, blow endless noses, teach her, show her, feed her, bathe her, console her. I have seen a man love a girl more than he loves himself. And love a girl in a way that was not taught to him, but instead was just in him.

My father must have been missing that gene. I know with absolutely no doubt that whatever could come to pass between Hung & I, Ella will never suffer any more than necessary for it. I know that Ella will never not know her father. That is the single greatest gift he can give her.

I have spent a lifetime doubting because of the damage done by a father who walked away. Never on a conscious level did I feel like less, but I still want love to be proven. I don't understand or trust that love sometimes just is. It has made me test people and relationships in ways that is not fair. To make others pay for something they have had no role in creating.

I know I am better person, a better woman, a better mother, a better wife, for not having been influenced directly by his hatefulness. Still, I will never know what Ella knows. The strength, love, and security that one can know when raised by a real man who is there no matter what. I am not saying that a mother isn't enough, she surely was, but there is still a hole. A hole that though I would not have wanted him to fill, it would have been nice to have a real father fill.

I also know how tremendously lucky I was to find and marry the man I did. His patience, devotion and constant steadiness have allowed me to finally open up my heart and trust that it will not end in heartbreak. I could not ask for a better husband or father for my children. I also have found that there is no explanation that will ever suffice for what my father chose to do to my brother and I. That some things in life are truly unforgiveable. And that it is ok for me to chose to live my life without him in it. It is ok for me to refuse to forgive or welcome him now, just because I have children. That this choice is a reflection, not on me, but on him. That it does not make me less of a person or bitter, empty or even sad. It simply makes me resolute. I know this decision is the right decision. No relationship between he and I would ever be real.

It is because I have children, that I will never be able to understand his choice. There is nothing and no one who could ever stand between me and Ella and Max. Absolutely Nothing. And there is nothing that a relationship with him could bring that would add to my life. My life is full, sweet, rich and strangely just as it should be. I owe him nothing. I owe myself more.

Joy is a girl named Ella

This is my girl Ella on a recent fall afternoon. I am constantly amazed by her ability to find joy in everything. Crazy, puke inducing fair rides, McDonald's French Fries, dance class, school, the slug on the rock at the bus stop, her brother, hershey kisses, pennies, a lost tooth, a weekend at gramma's. You name it she loves it.

I am not naive, I know that this too shall pass. That soon enough she will have her moments of NOT loving life. Whether it will be that she doesn't like the outfit I picked out or the little girl at school who will say she's not her friend, the day will come. The day when her ceaseless, effortless love of life will change. She, like all of us, will struggle with friends, love, work, life. She will be fine. My heart will break for her as she realizes that the world is not utopia and sometimes people are just mean to be mean.

For now, I will just continue to bask in her glow. I cherish every single time that out of the blue she will say to me, "Mama, I love you." And no, this statement is not immediately followed by "Can I have a candy bar?" Tonight it was in response to my asking her to pick out and bag our apples. She loves me because of apples!

As she begins to understand the world around her in increasing and disappointing complexity, my job will be to serve as her sounding board, her steady rock, her number one fan in life. Her protector. I will come by this easily. She makes it so easy. She is love. Pure and simple. Sweet and lovely. She is my daughter and I could not be a prouder mom. I know it is such a cliche, but it is so true that I would gladly lay my life on the line for her or her brother. Without question, I know that I would.

Those who know the intricacies of my pregnancies, particularly Max's gestation, will often say that they don't think they could do it. But I know that what I sacrificed was nothing. What I gained was everything. I made the decisions I made for the lives of my children without even a 2nd thought. My only concern was that they get the best chance they could have. This is not heroic. It is simply what a parent does in small and large measure every day. You have no idea what you can handle until the moment comes that you have to just hunker down and push through. And anyone who knows me or my kids knows they have given me far more than I could ever give them. They have given me focus, laughter, warmth, sweetness and a perspective on life that is invaluable. The knowledge that life is too short to waste time worrying about the little stuff.

Another Ella Classic

On Friday, upon being picked up from afterschool care.

Me: "So how was your day? Did you have a good first week of school?"

Ella: "Yes, mama, but its time to stop playing and do our work. We played too much this week!"

I think she doesn't realize that though they seem to be playing they are learning. In 4 days they'd already had 3 days of PE, 1 day of Art and 1 day of Music. And they say public schools are no good :)

First Day of School

Its official! She's off to kindergarten. How did this happen? I very much feel like my heart has gone out of my chest and on that bus this morning to school with her. I really didn't think it would be this tough. (note: tough for me, Ella is so happy and excited) I felt very prepared & then we had her last day at Jeannie's and I've just been kind of heavy hearted ever since. She's ready. Its a great big step for her. Mom just has to keep up!