Well we just are home for a few minutes before heading out to get something to eat and heading over to Alexandria hospital for another sonogram. We met with a pediatric cardiologist today for a fetal echo of the heart. He was very good and seemingly very thorough. Took about an hour to look at everthing that could possibly be going wrong with the baby's heart. Everything looks exactly as it should. I can't help but feel positive about this news but also still very worried.
It is good that they aren't finding any structural problems (it is amazing what they can see) but it is not good that they aren't finding out it is definitely X. The cause is still a total mystery.
I go at 3 for another sonogram to see if anything has changed.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
An update
More on Baby ... I went to the Alexandria Perinatal Center on Friday for the results of the bloodwork & the amnio done on Monday. Everything is coming back negative. Everything they can find that would be causing this problem is not the cause. Which is good, but also not good. What they know is that there is a problem. They have no idea what is causing it and all the major possibilities have been ruled out for now. Not anything structurally wrong that they can see, not genetic abnormality, not chromosomal, not rh disease, not severe anemia in the baby, not viral infection.
To put it simply the baby is retaining significant amounts of fluid which typically means there is a significant infection or heart failure. There is fluid around - not in - but around the lungs so much so it has collapsed one lung. Not really as bad as it sounds at this point as the lungs are still not developed, but still horrifying. Fluid is also pushing the heart over. The heart looks structurally fine as well - no obvious issues on the on the sonogram. They problem is I am 20 weeks and there is critical lung development at 22-24 weeks so they are desperately trying to relieve the problem prior to that point in the pregnancy.
So what next.
Tomorrow in the morning I will go to a pediatric cardiologist for a special fetal heart eccocardiagram to really check out the baby's heart and make sure it is ok - my godmother who worked for over 20 years as an RN in a cardiac intensive care unit says its amazing what they can look for and determine even at this stage.
Tomorrow afternoon I will go for another sonogram to track the status of the baby. Dr. Ghidini just didn't want to go over a week without checking the baby. It will either show the baby is doing the same, better or worse.
After that hubby, the girl and I are heading to the beach. We are supposed to be at the beach right now but kind of got sidetracked by all of this unexpected stuff. We need to decompress as much as possible.
On next Tuesday, October 3, barring any major changes between now and then I will go to Alexandria Hospital L&D at 10 am for a 12 noon procedure to drain the fluid around the baby's lung. They are doing this for two reasons - 1) so they can send it away for analysis looking for infection or any indication of the cause and 2) to relieve the pressure on the baby's lung. It is not without risk to me or the baby but the alternative, doing nothing is riskier. Once the fluid is drained it could never reaccumulate (this is what we hope for) or it will just reaccumulate. It is possible what caused it is not an issue anymore and it will resolve itself. It is not a strong possibility, but it is possible.
This is all quite unbelievable to me, I can't quite get my head around it though I am considerably better now than I was last week. I did spend the weekend at my mom's on the river so that helped. Right now I know that everything that should be being done is being done. All we can do is wait. They overall prospects are not good, but it is hopeful that the main causes are being ruled out.
Here is on positive story of a good outcome.
To put it simply the baby is retaining significant amounts of fluid which typically means there is a significant infection or heart failure. There is fluid around - not in - but around the lungs so much so it has collapsed one lung. Not really as bad as it sounds at this point as the lungs are still not developed, but still horrifying. Fluid is also pushing the heart over. The heart looks structurally fine as well - no obvious issues on the on the sonogram. They problem is I am 20 weeks and there is critical lung development at 22-24 weeks so they are desperately trying to relieve the problem prior to that point in the pregnancy.
So what next.
Tomorrow in the morning I will go to a pediatric cardiologist for a special fetal heart eccocardiagram to really check out the baby's heart and make sure it is ok - my godmother who worked for over 20 years as an RN in a cardiac intensive care unit says its amazing what they can look for and determine even at this stage.
Tomorrow afternoon I will go for another sonogram to track the status of the baby. Dr. Ghidini just didn't want to go over a week without checking the baby. It will either show the baby is doing the same, better or worse.
After that hubby, the girl and I are heading to the beach. We are supposed to be at the beach right now but kind of got sidetracked by all of this unexpected stuff. We need to decompress as much as possible.
On next Tuesday, October 3, barring any major changes between now and then I will go to Alexandria Hospital L&D at 10 am for a 12 noon procedure to drain the fluid around the baby's lung. They are doing this for two reasons - 1) so they can send it away for analysis looking for infection or any indication of the cause and 2) to relieve the pressure on the baby's lung. It is not without risk to me or the baby but the alternative, doing nothing is riskier. Once the fluid is drained it could never reaccumulate (this is what we hope for) or it will just reaccumulate. It is possible what caused it is not an issue anymore and it will resolve itself. It is not a strong possibility, but it is possible.
This is all quite unbelievable to me, I can't quite get my head around it though I am considerably better now than I was last week. I did spend the weekend at my mom's on the river so that helped. Right now I know that everything that should be being done is being done. All we can do is wait. They overall prospects are not good, but it is hopeful that the main causes are being ruled out.
Here is on positive story of a good outcome.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
A Hard Week
I am writing this knowing I may very well likely never post this on my blog. Monday morning by 8:35 am our lives were dramatically and suddenly turned upside down. At our routine sonogram, the technician saw something that concerned her. Something indicating that the baby is suffering from something very wrong. Right now we have no details. We went from the ultrasound office home stunned. Thank goodness we had decided not to take our daughter with us to the sonogram. All we expected to find out was is this a boy or a girl. We thought it might be fun for her to see the picture...even in black and white. I am just so glad something inside of us said don't take her.
Shortly after getting home I got a call from my ob. My cell didn't ring, so she left not 1 but 2 messages before I even realized she was calling. I called her back and that's when the reality started to hit. She had scheduled me for a visit with Dr. Ghidini. The same perinatolgist I had seen with my first pregnancy due to the cholestatis. Not only had she scheduled the visit but she would be there with me. To discuss our options. I felt a great sense of relief as weird as that sounds that this was in her hands and that she was actively and agressively taking on the situation.
We called my mom and she decided to head up to go to the 3pm appt wih us. I have to say we were and are just kind of stunned. Trying to work though this in our minds. Trying to understand. WE were prepared for Cholestatis. We were prepared for routine complications - high blood pressure, whatever. We were not prepared for this.
A 3pm we went to the hospital for the appt and received a second sonogram by Dr. Ghidini and then were advised to have a battery of blood tests and an amnio. They are taking what they call a parallel track. They know the baby is having a problem. What they don't know is why. They really have no idea. There are suspicions. But nothing conclusive. Structurally, physically the baby looks fine. Heart lungs arms legs all there. All as they should be.
So Monday was hard. Tuesday was harder. I am also RH- which meant because of the amnio I had to go back yesterday to the hospital for an injection to keep my body from rejecting the baby if it happens to be RH+. This meant waiting in the perinatal center with pregnant women coming in and out. I know if they are there - like me last time - they are being monitored. I also know the vast majority have healthy babies and will be lucky. I feel sad that I feel this way but I feel almost hopeless.
I spent most of yesterday alternating between rallying and knowing I will be ok, no matter tha outcome and just intense sadness and worry. We will have results by Friday. We go back in at 1:30 for a followup and to find out what they know from all the tests. Thankfully they fast tracked all the tests - usually these would take 10-14 days. Fortunately, we'll only have to wait 3 days. Still the longest 3 days of my life.
It is hardest at night when I lay down to go to sleep and I just can't. My mind won't turn off. Sadness overcomes me and I now know what it means to cry yourself to sleep. I have honestly never done that since I was young and clueless and suffering what I thought was a broken heart. The hardest thing is I can feel the baby. Moving. Living inside of me. Knowing that the outcome may be catastrophic is heart-breaking.
I am lucky though. I have one beautiful, smart, sweet, loving and incredibly intuitive daughter. She doesn't know anything is going on but still it is like she knows. She is gentle with me. Sweet to me. Yesterday morning while lying in bed, my husband put her next to me while I was sleeping and while he was getting ready and I woke to my hand being held and her saying "I love you mama." It doesn't get better than that. There is nothing that soothes like a gentle soul. My husband is suffering too. But he is being strong. I am sure for me. He is scared and worried and confused like I am. But he is also reassuring. We have talked alot which I think helps. Gone over possibilities, scenerios. And more than anything I know one thing that won't be shaken is our relationship with each other. Neither of us may escape unscathed, but we will manage and we will survive this. We have been able to be completely honest with each other. Even the things deepest in our hearts that we feel horrible for even thinking or feeling.
My mom is another saving grace. She came up on Monday as soon as she heard about the additional testing. She went home yesterday morning but called this morning to say she's taking the rest of the week off to be with me. I am trying to continue to function but I know I can't go to work. Where I have the choice to pretend like nothing is wrong or tell some truth that is really more than most people should or need to know. I hope that once we know more I will be able to pull it together enough to live. I have to. Right now I just am trying to get to Friday.
PS Please know I did decide to post this because I think its important for me to do so. I am not sure why I feel that way but I do. Also, please know that if you are reading this because you know about my blog and know me that I would really appreicate it if you kept this entire ordeal to yourself at least until we have figured out how and when to explain it to people.
Shortly after getting home I got a call from my ob. My cell didn't ring, so she left not 1 but 2 messages before I even realized she was calling. I called her back and that's when the reality started to hit. She had scheduled me for a visit with Dr. Ghidini. The same perinatolgist I had seen with my first pregnancy due to the cholestatis. Not only had she scheduled the visit but she would be there with me. To discuss our options. I felt a great sense of relief as weird as that sounds that this was in her hands and that she was actively and agressively taking on the situation.
We called my mom and she decided to head up to go to the 3pm appt wih us. I have to say we were and are just kind of stunned. Trying to work though this in our minds. Trying to understand. WE were prepared for Cholestatis. We were prepared for routine complications - high blood pressure, whatever. We were not prepared for this.
A 3pm we went to the hospital for the appt and received a second sonogram by Dr. Ghidini and then were advised to have a battery of blood tests and an amnio. They are taking what they call a parallel track. They know the baby is having a problem. What they don't know is why. They really have no idea. There are suspicions. But nothing conclusive. Structurally, physically the baby looks fine. Heart lungs arms legs all there. All as they should be.
So Monday was hard. Tuesday was harder. I am also RH- which meant because of the amnio I had to go back yesterday to the hospital for an injection to keep my body from rejecting the baby if it happens to be RH+. This meant waiting in the perinatal center with pregnant women coming in and out. I know if they are there - like me last time - they are being monitored. I also know the vast majority have healthy babies and will be lucky. I feel sad that I feel this way but I feel almost hopeless.
I spent most of yesterday alternating between rallying and knowing I will be ok, no matter tha outcome and just intense sadness and worry. We will have results by Friday. We go back in at 1:30 for a followup and to find out what they know from all the tests. Thankfully they fast tracked all the tests - usually these would take 10-14 days. Fortunately, we'll only have to wait 3 days. Still the longest 3 days of my life.
It is hardest at night when I lay down to go to sleep and I just can't. My mind won't turn off. Sadness overcomes me and I now know what it means to cry yourself to sleep. I have honestly never done that since I was young and clueless and suffering what I thought was a broken heart. The hardest thing is I can feel the baby. Moving. Living inside of me. Knowing that the outcome may be catastrophic is heart-breaking.
I am lucky though. I have one beautiful, smart, sweet, loving and incredibly intuitive daughter. She doesn't know anything is going on but still it is like she knows. She is gentle with me. Sweet to me. Yesterday morning while lying in bed, my husband put her next to me while I was sleeping and while he was getting ready and I woke to my hand being held and her saying "I love you mama." It doesn't get better than that. There is nothing that soothes like a gentle soul. My husband is suffering too. But he is being strong. I am sure for me. He is scared and worried and confused like I am. But he is also reassuring. We have talked alot which I think helps. Gone over possibilities, scenerios. And more than anything I know one thing that won't be shaken is our relationship with each other. Neither of us may escape unscathed, but we will manage and we will survive this. We have been able to be completely honest with each other. Even the things deepest in our hearts that we feel horrible for even thinking or feeling.
My mom is another saving grace. She came up on Monday as soon as she heard about the additional testing. She went home yesterday morning but called this morning to say she's taking the rest of the week off to be with me. I am trying to continue to function but I know I can't go to work. Where I have the choice to pretend like nothing is wrong or tell some truth that is really more than most people should or need to know. I hope that once we know more I will be able to pull it together enough to live. I have to. Right now I just am trying to get to Friday.
PS Please know I did decide to post this because I think its important for me to do so. I am not sure why I feel that way but I do. Also, please know that if you are reading this because you know about my blog and know me that I would really appreicate it if you kept this entire ordeal to yourself at least until we have figured out how and when to explain it to people.
Friday, September 15, 2006
8 WEEKS!!!!
Can you say EXCITED? Only 8 weeks until STJ 06. Hopefully I won't be mistaken for a beached whale while there. Here you are treated to a photo of the Baths of Virgin Gorda in the British VI. A not to be missed daytrip if you are even in STJ. Just ask Barbo ... she'll tell you all about "the girls" going through the caves ;)
Oh what a beautiful babe!
Isn't the baby beautiful & the mom too. This photo courtesy of a friend of mine. His wife is on the elephant care team at the Indy Zoo. I just thought the photo was stunning. Apparently gestation is 22-24 months and the babies are born weighing over 200 lbs! I have never been so happy to be human :)Its amazing how tiny the little one looks but I bet she's approaching 300 lbs by now. Magnificient!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
A William & Mary Landmark is a goner...
Starbucks to replace landmark eatery, barWilliamsburg students are not thrilled by the idea of trading beer and burgers for coffee and muffins.
First they took 1/2 of Barksdale Field ... Now, you heard it here first. Starbucks (which we all know I like as much as the next suburbanite) has taken over. The College Deli will be no longer. For those who don't know the College of William & Mary has an EXTREMELY limited nightlife. By limited, I mean ... the Delis. 3 of them, right across Richmond road from campus. The beginning and end of partying at W&M. That is unless you count the frats ... which I don't.
Wow. That's all I have to say.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
More about me...
Because you just don't know enough about me already! Hey, its my blog and I'll post what I want to post!
Where were you?
10 years ago: Working on my masters degree in Richmond, VA (lot of good that did me :) Actually counseling skills always come in handy in the real world!
5 years ago: married for 2 years & living with my mother in law - having SOLD my house in Chantilly, VA. Waiting for BISON to finish building my house!!! At my current job for just about a year and a 1/2.
1 year ago: Enjoying life with a 3 year old. Hum...Nothing really.
Yesterday: Working from home & then going to pick up Hubby's car, then to Thai for dinner, then home to veg!
5 snacks i enjoy: popcorn, chocolate, nuts, wine (well I will again post-baby) & cheese!!
5 songs i know all the words to: most anything by Jack Johnson, the Eagles, Sarah McLachlan, DMB & Eric Clapton. Hotel California, I will Survive!
5 places i would run away to: St. John, just about anywhere in the caribbean, London, San Francisco, anywhere on the water
5 things i would do with $1 million: sock away college funds for the kiddos, finally let Hung buy a boat, buy waterfront property (not necessarily a house - it is only $1M) for myself & my mom, travel LOTS more, redo my entire wardrobe, shoes and all.
5 things i would never wear: stilettos, anything skin tight, fake nails, legwarmers, socks with animals on them, and real fur. I know that's 6 but really nothing can be or should be cut from that list.
5 favorite TV shows: The Closer, Grey's Anatomy, Law & Order, Rome (if it ever comes back), and any cartoon that keeps the girl busy.
5 bad habits: procrastination, staying up too late, NOT exercising enough, shopping, and the #1 - impatience
5 favorite toys: my iPod mini!!! that's really the only toy I have.
5 biggest joys: my family, watching the girl mess with her dad's mind (Picture this conversation "Daddy, I love you. Daddy, I do not love you." Him hang dog look, her, "Sorry"), my friends, travel travel travel, and fielding the girl's questions - "Mama can it ppppppllleaaaaaseee be dark when we go trick or treating?" I like it both because it has an easy answer and it implies I control the universe!
5 fictional characters i would date:
If I weren't already committed, ok in spite of the fact that I am married! :)
Dr. Shephard from Grey's Anatomy (Patrick Dempsey), Any Character Clive Owen's played even when he's evil like in Closer, Luc from French Kiss (Kevin Kline), Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford), the FBI Agent in the Closer, don't know his name but I do know he used to be married to Teri Hatcher, which you'd think would be a strike against him but he's hot.
Where were you?
10 years ago: Working on my masters degree in Richmond, VA (lot of good that did me :) Actually counseling skills always come in handy in the real world!
5 years ago: married for 2 years & living with my mother in law - having SOLD my house in Chantilly, VA. Waiting for BISON to finish building my house!!! At my current job for just about a year and a 1/2.
1 year ago: Enjoying life with a 3 year old. Hum...Nothing really.
Yesterday: Working from home & then going to pick up Hubby's car, then to Thai for dinner, then home to veg!
5 snacks i enjoy: popcorn, chocolate, nuts, wine (well I will again post-baby) & cheese!!
5 songs i know all the words to: most anything by Jack Johnson, the Eagles, Sarah McLachlan, DMB & Eric Clapton. Hotel California, I will Survive!
5 places i would run away to: St. John, just about anywhere in the caribbean, London, San Francisco, anywhere on the water
5 things i would do with $1 million: sock away college funds for the kiddos, finally let Hung buy a boat, buy waterfront property (not necessarily a house - it is only $1M) for myself & my mom, travel LOTS more, redo my entire wardrobe, shoes and all.
5 things i would never wear: stilettos, anything skin tight, fake nails, legwarmers, socks with animals on them, and real fur. I know that's 6 but really nothing can be or should be cut from that list.
5 favorite TV shows: The Closer, Grey's Anatomy, Law & Order, Rome (if it ever comes back), and any cartoon that keeps the girl busy.
5 bad habits: procrastination, staying up too late, NOT exercising enough, shopping, and the #1 - impatience
5 favorite toys: my iPod mini!!! that's really the only toy I have.
5 biggest joys: my family, watching the girl mess with her dad's mind (Picture this conversation "Daddy, I love you. Daddy, I do not love you." Him hang dog look, her, "Sorry"), my friends, travel travel travel, and fielding the girl's questions - "Mama can it ppppppllleaaaaaseee be dark when we go trick or treating?" I like it both because it has an easy answer and it implies I control the universe!
5 fictional characters i would date:
If I weren't already committed, ok in spite of the fact that I am married! :)
Dr. Shephard from Grey's Anatomy (Patrick Dempsey), Any Character Clive Owen's played even when he's evil like in Closer, Luc from French Kiss (Kevin Kline), Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford), the FBI Agent in the Closer, don't know his name but I do know he used to be married to Teri Hatcher, which you'd think would be a strike against him but he's hot.
I WANT TO KNOW...
Boy or Girl? I want to know. I want to know now. I've been good so far. I mean, 19 weeks isn't that long enough to wait? Ok, well I've only known about the baby for 15 of those 19 weeks but STILL I need to know. I need to plan. Don't they understand the nesting instinct is kicking in?!?!?
Ok, deep breaths....I guess I can wait until Monday. I mean its already Wednesday.
Ok, deep breaths....I guess I can wait until Monday. I mean its already Wednesday.
Monday, September 11, 2006
I am TIRED
I am tired. Did I mention that I am tired? Guess what? I am tired. I know I know ... its all worth it in the long run but right now I'd love to be a single gal sipping margaritas on the mexican riveria. No midnight & 3 am pee runs. No tossing and turning from one side to the other. No, its really not so bad ... but I am just exhausted. With the first pregnancy, I guess I could just go home and pass out when I was tired. Now I have a daughter who doesn't quite care that I am dragging. Though she does empathize with me ... she told me this morning "Mama, my legs and hands have no energies!" That is exactly how I feel!
This weekend was spent getting rid of furniture, testing paint splotches (the girl has decided on Ribbon Pink for her new bedroom & I am undecided on the master bedroom color), moving around our current furniture, looking at NEW furniture. Oh, and yesterday attending a birthday party for a little 4 year old! Hmmmm...now maybe I see why I am tired.
So we have decided we need a new dining set. I thought I'd throw our current one on Craig's list to see if it would sell & it did in about 1 hour. Soooooooo Now we have no dining table or chairs. $200 I thought was pretty good since we barely paid more than that for it 7 years ago. We've also decided that we want a new configuration in our family room opening up the center more & getting a new BIG sofa with a chaise on one end. So we went looking for those and found one we really liked. Plus, its on sale! So we went home and measured, decided it would work, now we just have to make it back to the store to actually buy it. Plus we're paying the extra $99 for the cleaning/repair service. If you mess it up --- burn it, scratch it, cut it, bleed on it, burp (the baby) on it --- they come out and clean it to your satisfaction. If they can't get it repaired/cleaned ... you get your money back. Seems like a wise investment, no?
This weekend was spent getting rid of furniture, testing paint splotches (the girl has decided on Ribbon Pink for her new bedroom & I am undecided on the master bedroom color), moving around our current furniture, looking at NEW furniture. Oh, and yesterday attending a birthday party for a little 4 year old! Hmmmm...now maybe I see why I am tired.
So we have decided we need a new dining set. I thought I'd throw our current one on Craig's list to see if it would sell & it did in about 1 hour. Soooooooo Now we have no dining table or chairs. $200 I thought was pretty good since we barely paid more than that for it 7 years ago. We've also decided that we want a new configuration in our family room opening up the center more & getting a new BIG sofa with a chaise on one end. So we went looking for those and found one we really liked. Plus, its on sale! So we went home and measured, decided it would work, now we just have to make it back to the store to actually buy it. Plus we're paying the extra $99 for the cleaning/repair service. If you mess it up --- burn it, scratch it, cut it, bleed on it, burp (the baby) on it --- they come out and clean it to your satisfaction. If they can't get it repaired/cleaned ... you get your money back. Seems like a wise investment, no?
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Things a Pregnant Woman's Husband Should Never Do
Things a Pregnant Woman's Husband Should Never Do:
1. Stiffle a giggle when you roll (and I do mean ROLL) yourself out of bed for the 3rd time between 11pm and 6am to go pee.
2. Eat all of the jujufruit candies ... leaving the box full of only BLACKs in plain sight enticing said pregnant wife to go to the box, salivating, only to be disappointed.
3. Look at her while she's changing clothes and say "Wow!"
4. Say, "I was awake for the delivery" totally discounting the fact that you SLEPT through the labor. They call it LABOR & DELIVERY for a reason!
1. Stiffle a giggle when you roll (and I do mean ROLL) yourself out of bed for the 3rd time between 11pm and 6am to go pee.
2. Eat all of the jujufruit candies ... leaving the box full of only BLACKs in plain sight enticing said pregnant wife to go to the box, salivating, only to be disappointed.
3. Look at her while she's changing clothes and say "Wow!"
4. Say, "I was awake for the delivery" totally discounting the fact that you SLEPT through the labor. They call it LABOR & DELIVERY for a reason!
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Croc Hunter
My immediate thought was Horrible, yes. Surprising, no. I was only surprised that it was such a freakish event that ended his life. What he did was dangerous. Informative and interesting to some. A great conservationist in some minds, kind of a nut to others. Either way he seemed like a good guy and had a great spirit. It is very sad, but not terribly surprising.
I am OVERLY cautious in the water. I LOVE the water in any form, but I have a healthy fear of water itself and the creatures who live in it. I think it is just good to remember that its best to look and not touch. It is their territory (I am not saying he did anything at all to provoke the attack) and I am just happy to see a turtle float by. I choose not to pursue them in any way.
I am OVERLY cautious in the water. I LOVE the water in any form, but I have a healthy fear of water itself and the creatures who live in it. I think it is just good to remember that its best to look and not touch. It is their territory (I am not saying he did anything at all to provoke the attack) and I am just happy to see a turtle float by. I choose not to pursue them in any way.
Friday, September 01, 2006
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