Slacker Mom

I think I should change the name of my blog from Flip-Flop Mom to Slacker Mom. I am on the DC Urban Mom's listserv and so I get lots of emails about kids and how to manage this thing called motherhood. Originally I joined because I thought I'd get some good insight and it is a good place of off load the baby stuff you no longer need. I have stayed because it has gotten just down right amusing. Typically it is pretty open-minded but people ask the wackiest questions to what is essentially a massive list of people they don't know. Do they not have friends with kids, or a mom, or a clue?

Anyway, when I had Ella I knew I would not be the typical mom. I am an overachiever in many ways and an underachiever in others, but in motherhood my goals were to 1) remain sane, 2) not end up divorced because I forgot I had a husband, 3) not end up with no friends because all I could do was talk about "the baby" and 4) raise a child who was smart, well adjusted and fun. Not necessarily in that order!

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my kids. Their needs are my priority. I am pretty vigilant about their health but only for good reason as both have had very, very, VERY strange health issues. So strange that I think I would be suspected of Munchhausen's by proxy if these strange ailments were not, you know, impossible to induce voluntarily. I digress.

So the latest uproar/vigorous discussion on the list has been about leaving your kid in your car unsupervised. We are not talking about for 2 hours while you go in the mall to shop when it is 90 degrees outside, but for 2 minutes while you run groceries inside or get the other kid into daycare, or pick up dry cleaning.

I am not catholic but for some reason I feel the urge to confess!

A mother that I know, who shall remain nameless has:

Left her daughter in the car at her daughter's request while running into Starbucks. Granted the kid was 5 at the time & the car was locked with no keys IN it. It was not hot and said daughter was fully visible through the window.

Left both of children (at different times) sleeping in their car seats in the garage after getting home from running an errand. My mama taught me one thing and it is you don't mess with a sleeping baby. The car, of course, was turned off to prevent accidental CO overdose!

And I even heard about this woman who thought her car was in park at the top of her driveway only to find out no not so much as it ROLLED down the hill into her own house, yes, with a baby in the car seat. Said baby slept through the entire episode, unharmed. This mother I know, on the other hand, had a nervous breakdown right there in the garage.

Oh and parents that I know have driven off only to have their child say from the back seat to them, "Um, guys ... no one buckled me!" (He thought she did it, she thought he did it)!

Did you know there is a law in Arlington that says you are not allowed to leave your child who is under 8 upstairs (or on any level of the house) when you are on another level? Seriously. The example is actually sited that you should not go to the basement to do laundry if your 8 or younger child is on the main floor. How about if the nursery is on the 2ND floor and the baby is napping, do you have to stay upstairs? Loony tunes I tell you.

I remember being 8 years old and being left at a pool with my brother and cousin (11 and 14 who would routinely try to drown aka dunk me until I couldn't breathe) with no lifeguard and rarely any other adults around. Today my mom would go to jail for that. I got off the bus by myself routinely in the 4Th grade because my brother had practice after school. There were NO car seats or seat belts for that matter in the back seats of cars. I remember sliding back and forth across the seat and sleeping in the wheel wells on long trips. I remember going off to play with my brother in the woods for HOURS on end totally unsupervised. I remember him getting lost in the woods in the snow because he followed our dog, who by the way, had no idea where she was going. (That could have been very tragic). We ate pancakes for dinner! Didn't have antibacterial gel and drank pool water. We watched TV and played cowboys and indians! How UN-PC of us!

I am not sure if the world has changed or if we have just become a nation of hypersensitive, hyper vigilant freaks. I am not stupid. I know the world can be a dangerous place, but isn't it dangerous as well to completely protect and insulate your children from opportunites to learn how to fend for themselves? Believe me, I would like to put them both in a bubble and never let them leave the house. Ella and I have had this conversation many times. Me: STOP GROWING UP! Her: But Mom I HAVE to grow up! I can't help but think that somehow taking care of myself after school, figuring out what to do when I was locked out, fending off torture from my brother and cousin, learning I could hold my own, was all fundamental to who I turned out to be. Strong and independent, self-reliant.