According to Esquire ... A Man Should Be Able to do the following. Let's see how my man holds up.
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. Check. He loves his verbosity but he can cut to the chase, especially when really needed.
2. Tell if someone is lying. I think so.
3. Take a photo. Check.
4. Score a baseball game. I would like to scratch this one off the list. It surely doesn't warrent the #4 spot.
5. Name a book that matters. Do books on tape count?
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. Check. Hello the 80s.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. No, but the grilled meat more than makes up for this.
8. Not monopolize the conversation. Totally depends on the conversation - watches, boats, cars .. all bets are off. Otherwise, Check.
9. Write a letter. Check. Just get him pissed off about something and see what happens.
10. Buy a suit. Check. In that, he's smart enough to ask me to accompany him and pick it out for him.
11. Swim three different strokes. 2 outta 3 ain't bad for a boy who learned to swim when his dad threw him in the pool.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up. Check Check Check.
13. Throw a punch. I have confidence this would be a check need be.
14. Chop down a tree. Check.
15. Calculate square footage. Check +.
16. Tie a bow tie. Hmmm. Don't know. But I know he ties a damn nice tie knot.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. CHECK CHECK CHECK! Pink fruity cosmo like beverages that taste like liquid sweettarts are my fav.
18. Speak a foreign language. Check - two actually, one better than the other as its truly his native tongue.
19. Approach a woman out of his league. He's not allowed to for I fear he'd find out that there aren't any.
20. Sew a button. Um, NO.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. Probably, though the occasion hasn't arisen. He's more likely to be indifferent!
22. REMOVED because no one wants or NEEDS to know this much about my husband :)
23. Be loyal. Check to infinity.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Check.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. Check.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. Check.
27. Play gin with an old guy. No, but he's played cards with my mom, the shrewdest cardshark I know. So I give a check.
28. Play go fish with a kid. Check. Even if said kid cheats her pants off!
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. Check.
30. Feign interest. Not so much a check...
31. Make a bed. Can and does are two different things!
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. Oh HELL NO and as his wife, I am 100% ok with that.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. I don't believe this has been attempted.
34. Dress a wound. Check.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once). CHECK CHECK CHECK! He even had to tell one motorist that his battery was in his trunk ... he didn't believe him, but my car savant hubby was right. I was very impressed.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table. Check.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards. NOT Well!
38. Tell a joke. Needs work here too :)
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. Check.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. Does a 6 year old count? Then Check.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. Check.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. CHECK, ruff.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. Just turn off the damned main. CHECK.
44. Ask for help. CHECK ... with my prodding "You should call Paul? (our everything mechanical savant).
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. I am thinking Check.
46. Tell a woman's dress size. NO CHECK .. thank God!
47. Recite one poem from memory. Very DOUBTFUL.
48. Remove a stain. Yes. Check plus. We have two kids and a dog.
49. Say no. Check, unfortunately for me. Not often, but it does happen ... St. John 2008 for example. That would be a no. STJ 2009 YES!
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Check. Its me who can't do this one.
51. Build a campfire. Check.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. Check.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass. CHECK.
54. Break up a fight. If the people involved mattered to him, Check. If not, he's no dummy.
55. Point to the north at any time. I am gonna go w/ a yes on this.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. Doubtful. Subtley is not his strong suit.
57. Explain what a light-year is. OMG YES, but please don't ask....
58. Avoid boredom. Check says the woman married to the man who always has a magazine with him.
59. Write a thank-you note. Check. Not often, but he could if he should.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. Check.
61. Cook bacon. CHECK! Perfectly everytime.
62. Hold a baby. Check, without hesitation and with true pleasure.
63. Deliver a eulogy. Untested, but probably.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Um, ok!
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. Working on it!
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. NO CHECK! He often can't find his way out of a parking lot. This is why God invented navigation systems.
69. Tie a knot. Check.
70. Shake hands. Absolute Check.
71. Iron a shirt. Check, though he'd prefer I do it, he won't directly ever ask me or assume I should.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. You mean the bugout bag ..Um, yes. Done.
73. Caress a woman's neck. Check.
74. Know some birds. Sure, some. . .does a duck count?
75. Negotiate a better price. CHECK. CHECK. CHECK! As a matter of fact we got into a bit of a tiff yesterday about this because I "TOOK THE FIRST PRICE, YOU NEVER TAKE THE FIRST OFFER!"
In short I would argue he's the perfect guy (remember I said guy, which means he is by no means perfect but as far as a guy goes pretty damn close). He knows what he knows, what he doesn't know he'll find out. He does as much as he can himself, but also has a keen sense of what is over his head and is more than willing to call in an expert. And he fully admitted his directional challenged-ness and bought a GPS. Dual Sinks and GPS - keys to any good marriage!
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