Is it just me or does it seem that parenthood of today, particularly motherhood, is way different than it was just a generation ago? I swore when I had my girl that she would become part of my life NOT MY LIFE. And so far, almost 4 years in, I think I am keeping to my word.
My hubby and I both have worked to maintain grown-up lives despite the fact that we are parents. It is so easy to become completely absorbed, because the kid can easily take over your life if you let 'em. From day 1 we knew the other needed outside interests. He's always like go with your girl friends, go get a pedicure, whatever. He has volleyball 2 nights a week. Our daughter's needs come first of course, but we don't have a sense that she won't be able to survive if we aren't both staring at her 24/7. We maintain other relationships too because she's going to grow up and have her own life and friends and we don't want to be sad and pathetic when that happens. Balance people.
Before I had my daughter people who look at me with that "you will see" look in their eye, as if total absorbtion was just the natural order of things. I would shake my head and say nope. I REFUSE!!!
What's so wrong with 1 activity at a time? Right now, that's a 1/2 an hour of swimming 1 time a week. Don't get me wrong, at times, I wonder will she be able to keep up with the 3 activities at a time kids. But then I have a reality check and realize, I don't care. Is she happy, well-adjusted, fun loving. Does she seem to enjoy life? YES! Then we are all good.
Too often I think we don't trust our instincts, our intuition. When I first brought her home from the hospital I felt so ill-equiped, so clueless. I rushed out to the bookstore. I bought, I kid you not, 4 books on childrearing. You know what, I read each one and realized they all contradicted each other. I closed the books, and opened my eyes to the fact that I knew all I needed to know. Common Sense would prevail in our household.
It reminds me of the time when she was in a commercial daycare - Childrens' World. I show up and they tell me "Your daughter has been written up for biting." She was all of a year old. My response, using my outloud voice accidentally was "there goes harvard!" They were not amused. So I ask, "what happened?" The response: "Well, Child X placed his hand in her mouth and she bit him." ME: "And?" Them: "We had to write her up." Me: "Sorry, but I think it was an entirely appropriate response for a 1 year old when someone puts his unwanted hand in her mouth." Soon thereafter we went in search of new childcare arrangements.
Now teaching her at that moment, "no no biting is bad" would have given her 1 year old brain the mistaken idea its OK for someone to invade your space, put their hand in your mouth and you can't do anything about it. Yeah lets try to obliterate any sense of control she has over her self and what happens to her person. I don't think so.
Here's to common sense parenting. Becoming rarer and rarer! When you don't care what others think and you are no longer trying to keep up with the Jones, you will be happier, your kid will be happier. Dare I say they may even grow up to be a more grounded, reasonable, & happy people? There I said it ;)
2 comments:
I REALLY wish more parents were like you two. There are so many people in my life that have been lost to "babydom" that I miss... I wonder if they'll come back when their kids are off at college? YOU should write a book, seriously!
Sad to say, but there are definitely more people who lose themselves than don't.
It takes conscious effort not too & two parents on the same page. Oh, and some common sense. Which I am finding is less and less common these days.
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